In the Eyes of the Beholder

He's My Shepherd and His Name is Gus

2012-03-05T09:38:00.000-08:00

I have nothing happy to say today.   My dog is dying and there is nothing I can do about it. Apparently, in order to save the life of your pet, you need to be rich, money need not be a factor.   In order to even diagnose my dog properly they are asking for $3,100.00 !!!!!!!   Ummmm, I don't have an extra $3K laying around the house do you ? My beautiful German Shepherd has a tumor.   That much we found out when he was bleeding heavily from his right nostril a few weeks ago.   That in it self was a $350.00 diagnosis and then another $200.00 to find out he is also anemic.

The point of my post was HOW IS THAT RIGHT?   This maybe an animal, but he feels love, he shows affections, he is loyal, dedicated to my family's protection - I can tell when he is happy and in a good mood or when he is not feeling like himself.   He has moods, he feels pain, he feels joy - so why is it acceptable to deny him treatment because his owners have no money???   Isn't that the same as letting a fucking rapist murderer who is rotting in jail and diagnosed with cancer die with no treatment or attempt to improve the quality of life. Nope that's "INHUMANE."    Some people will say I'm crazy, that a dog is not a person and there is no comparison - but let me tell you, my dog is better than most people I know, so shouldn't that account for something at least ?

This morning was a bad morning for my old boy.   He collapsed on his way out the front door and wouldn't let me move him back into the house.   He just laid there looking at me with those sad brown eyes. And when I tried to help him he growled at me and showed his teeth, telling me that it wasn't ok to try and move him.   I cried hysterically on my way to work.   He hasn't eaten more than a few pieces of turkey in a few days. No matter what I try, he won't eat. He can't walk anymore.   I can't remember the last time he brought me a ball, or ran to the front gate to greet me when I came home from work.   He just lays there and he looks broken.

I'm supposed to call the vet today. But I can't bring myself to do it. I already know what she is going to say.   And I just can't kill him.   But I can't let him starve to death and not be able to walk to go outside to go to the bathroom either. I'm just not sure what I should do.   I know I will force myself to call, but I'm so scared.

People will often say - It's just a dog and will be amused at how upset someone is at the loss of their pet. Calling someone silly for crying over an animal is a terrible thing to do. I have had this pup since he was 7 weeks old. I used to cradle him in my arms, give him baths, keep him fed and loved, make sure he was safe and leashed, talk him for walks to enjoy the sunshine - now you tell me how is this any different than how I treat someone else I care about. I would do the same things for my grandmother (if I had one), well other than leash her. But I think you get my point.

My family keeps telling me it will be ok "we'll get another dog." Getting another dog is not what I'm sad about. I'm an adult who owns my own home, I can have as many dogs as I want. But I don't want them. I want my old boy - my dog.

I hope I can be strong enough to let him go - If that is what I am forced to do :(

Just for a Chuckle

2012-03-02T13:54:00.000-08:00

Because I've been concentrating on my sick dog so much and don't feel like blogging because I'll cry, I thought I'd share a Puppy Smile .....

Courtesy of Mushroom Printing......

I'm going home and getting drunk tonight ! Happy Friday Kids !

PINK CADILLAC, BITTER DISAPPOINTMENT

2012-03-01T09:44:00.000-08:00

My WTF moment of the day came at about 8:26 or so. I'm driving down the highway, minding my own business, listening to mind numbing radio because my IPod battery died - when my eyes were treated to a (drumroll.....)

PINK CADILLAC

As I pull up along the side of it, I'm very very disappointed. Why you ask ! Because this woman didn't customize her Caddy to be pink. She didn't go to the dealership and shout out "I WANT A PINK CADILLAC" - this bitch is a Mary Kay Make-Up Lady ! And I know this because of the side of the car is the name MARY KAY written in silver. I'm so disappointed.

You know them, the dreaded Mary Kay ladies. You have one stinkin party and they call and harass you and your guest for years ! Trust me ! The last Mary Kay lady I worked with asked permission to do a demonstration with our female co-workers and I said yes. Little did I know, she held this demonstration on company hours - instead of on the lunch hour. Instead of taking an hour, I had to bust up the little make up party after 1 hr and 45 mins. Seriously, if it takes you an hour and 45 minutes to apply your make up - you probably need more help than cosmetics.

So all the time, I am glaring at the Mary Kay Lady - for driving a Pink Cadillac she didn't pick out of her own, the thought occurred to me - damn, she probably had to sell a lot of make up in order to get the Pink Mary Kay Caddy. And my first opinion in the matter SUCKED. Click here - obtaining the privilege to drive a pink caddy is not easily obtained.

So now I'm all in awe of someone who can sell enough crappy make up to drive the Pink Car ! Just don't try selling it to me. And I'm still on the look out for a chick cool enough to customize her luxury vehicle to be pink or purple. Quest incomplete !

Peace out kids - Enjoy your Thirsty Thursday :)

Staring at the Bottom of a Wine Glass

2012-02-28T08:42:00.000-08:00

So last night, totally out of character for me - I had about 9 of these - which is the equivilant of 1 whole and 1/2 bottle of Riesling :)

Yup, I drank until my stupid ass passed out ! So needed it. Everyone else does it - so why not. I was so fed up and tired when I got home, I just didn't want to care - and ya know what I didn't care, not all night long.

You should try it !

Scale of Life - Up and Down Up and Down

2012-02-27T11:51:00.003-08:00

Can you believe its Monday already ???? UGH ! Like UGH !!!! If I wasn't saving my paid time off for a week at the beach this year, I'd still be in bed. This past week I swear was a complete blur - including the weekend. I wish I could say I drank and made merry and that's why I couldn't remember, but lo and behold this is not the case. Did you all watch the Oscars ? Did J-Lo really show her nipple because I was only semi-awake at that time I must have missed it. Did you all catch the newest episode of The Walking Dead? I did not. Why you ask......I wasn't out partying, I was dead asleep on the couch dreaming about apple pie and faceless mannequins. Sunday, my body started it's day at 4:00 and didn't ask my mind if that would be ok - and after my 4th glass of wine, a big family dinner I prepared, and cleaned up after - I passed out and don't remember much after.

So today as I'm sitting at my desk contemplating what to write about - more than a few things popped into my mind. Such as, have you ever taken someone somewhere they have never been ? It's really cool :) This weekend Ella and her man, Frank where in town for a wedding and Ella decided a genuine Philly cheese steak for Frank would be awesome ! And it was because he has never had one :) So, we hop in the Squirrel and head into town. While Ella and I are chatting away, I can see Frank watching the landscape as it passes and even break out his phone and take a few pics. We travelled into South Philly and hit Geno's ! On the way back I detoured a little and drove home along Delaware Ave for some more sites :) I can't wait until they come back this summer so I can take them to the Zoo and some night life. Love to see good friends !

This is the Tourist and I at Geno's :)

Then I got a phone call this morning from a bud who needed to vent ! Turns out my Valentines Day (which fucking blew) was better than someone else's ! Get this, my friend brings home flowers for his wife and asks her to dinner (she's a bit of a psycho bitch these days). He fully expected to her to say no to dinner, but was surprised when she said ok. While at dinner the waitress takes the drink order - she orders nothing. The waitress comes back to take the food order - she orders NOTHING ! She finally broke down and got a cup of coffee - but can you imagine taking your spouse to dinner and the asshole refuses to order anything to drink or eat ! That's a bold statement she was trying to make. What's the point ! I guess I don't feel so bad about my bagel and the Young and the Restless - at least I was alone and not embarrassed. Damn. Why doesn't he leave her you ask ? He ! He ! They have 6 kids under 14 ! Yup, his mistake. I know other people's misery shouldn't make me happy, but yup, this one did just a little.

Another thought for the day - Taylor Swift rocks ! Like no other and this is why :) Kevin is a local boy around our way :) She is a class act - through and through - If I were her mother I'd be so proud ! What a sweetheart :)

And...If you have been hanging around me for years and have been a reader of the prior blog - you'll understand this more than most. But I have been thinking lately - why am I so damaged? What is it about my self that I can't seem to fix ?? And I think I have finally come up with a conclusion: when you get hurt physically, your cuts and bruises will heal. but when you get hurt emotionally, the cuts get deeper everyday and will never heal. So mix that up with other life's events and pile up all the other emotions that go with it, and that's what I come up with. Pretty damn depressing.

But then someone goes and says something like this - "P.S. Scarlett is one of the most awesome people in the history of awesome. The best person you know sucks compared to her." and you realize you have awesome friends - it just might be ok in the end. Ella, your guy is a keeper :) Go read Frank at the link above - he's funny as hell and has a cute girlfriend.

So what I've come up with is that I guess this life is just like a scale, but I'm still waiting for the happy side to out weight the depressed side. FUCK - already ! It just might lead me to drink.

Peace out kids - Enjoy your work week - may it fly by in a HAPPY blur, and not a blur of insanity.

It's All In The Headlines

2012-02-24T09:53:00.006-08:00

Sometimes when bored or need a break from the normal routine of the work day - I'll go and check out the MSN headlines. Today I wondered .... Is it a full moon outside ? Who comes up with the shit

Apparently Paris Hilton has a new song - because her first song that actually made it on the the radio didn't make my ears bleed enough. Now I have to listen to this half wit whore who shows her shaved clam to anyone, coke sniffin dumb ass sing from her nostrils. Just because your Gramps owns some hotels doesn't make you a singer or an actress. Keep doing what you do best Paris - being a spoiled rotten bitch. READ HERE.............

Next up, Megan Fox was never a pretty girl. Oh stop the presses !!!!! This is news worthy of an MSN headline ? For a second there I thought I was on TMZ.com. Do I give a shit if Megan Fox was an ugly kid? I'm wondering what her definition of ugly is - look at her high school picture - ummmm, I was uglier than that ! Get over yourself Megan, no one really cares. Especially when you look like the cheerleader or homecoming queen that every girl loves to hate. DO YOU REALLY CARE.....READ HERE

Milkshake Murderer seeks an appeal. Now I'm excited !!!! I didn't know there was a milkshake murderer, why didn't anyone tell me ???? So ummmm, wow - you killed your hubby with a laced milkshake ? That's just fucked up. Milkshakes are like yummy rewards - if my reward is death, no thank you. Can you imagine eating the most yummiest milkshake in the world while you spouse is watching you with an evil grin and then you drop dead ! Well I guess if your going to go - death by milkshake isn't a bad choice. YOU GOTTA READ THIS ONE.....CLICK HERE

And my favorite air head politician - just can't take it anymore. Poor Sarah :( I'd love just one day to sit and talk to her - I wonder sometimes what goes on in this woman's head. LOVE SARAH !!!! CLICK HERE....

And last but not least :

Yet another reason to buy American......CLICK HERE.......

However, after getting through the insanity, I saw Fashion Week is over and I fell in love with these shoes. I think they are from Jessica Simpson's line - her shoe line makes me drool and say ohhh and ahhhh ! Jess, dear - DON'T EVER STOP MAKING SHOES ! You can give up singing and acting - but never give up your shoe line !!!

See what I mean ! If anyone is interested in donating a pair to say ummm, ME - I'lll be more than happy to accept :) I wear a size 8 in a heel <3

And of course the thing that distracts me the most these days- are scenes like this:

Can I get out to Clearwater please !!!

Peace out kids ! Enjoy your Friday and weekend

My Hissy Fit is Over

2012-02-21T06:57:00.000-08:00

I'm over my hissy fit - thanks for tuning in.

Since everything on TV these days is politically motivated here's a quiz for ya !

Should I be Allowed to Vote ??? Now there's a question.....

Yikes ! I think I need to bone up on my American History - Past and Present

Don't be shy - should you be allowed to Vote ?

You Should Maybe Be Allowed to Vote

You got 8/15 questions correct.

You're somewhat in the know, but you're not as informed as you think you are.

Your political information is a little old or incorrect.

Consider studying up a bit before you cast you vote! You want to make sure you know where you stand.

Should You Be Allowed to Vote?

Have a great Fat Tuesday !

Fuck You Cupid - Part 2

2012-02-17T09:19:00.000-08:00

So I've been doing a little (well a lot) of thinking about whether or not I was an asshole on Valentine's Day with my anti-cupid post. And you know what.....NO I WASN'T.    I wasn't being dramatic, I wasn't pitching a fit (well not really), I was just stating the facts.

What did you get for Valentine's Day ?

What did I get ? Well thank you for asking.   Hold your breath now because I got (drumroll please) ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Not even a lousy card.

See I've got some personal shit of an epic nature going on - so I haven't been in the best of moods lately.   And all I could think of was a Valentine's Day card from my son would make me feel so much better. I almost couldn't wait to get home so he could give it to me. Usually I get some cheap chocoloates too, usually. I'll just take a hot soak in the tub with my cheap chocolates and a cup of java and all will be good, right?. But that is not what happened.

Instead, I arrived home to nothing.   Turns out he never gave my boy any money to get me a lousy card and no gas station chocolates.   Left over pizza was in the oven and when I came downstairs from changing all the left over pizza had been eaten, and I was told there was none left for me.   My Valentine's dinner, a toasted bagel with butter in front of my kitchen TV while watching The Young and the Restless - ALONE.

All night on facebook, I watched status after status after status of how great people's significant others were. How wonderful their day was, pictures of what their kids made, and all I could think was "I didn't even get a lousy card."   That night I went to bed early and cried myself to sleep, not just for Valentine's Day, but because I realized that I wasn't important enough to get a card for - no one thought - wow, that would suck if I didn't even get her a card. No one considered that maybe I might feel very unloved, alone, and like a piece of garbage - it was like I was invisible.

I really didn't expect Valentine's Day to be all the great, it never is.   And considering the events of last Friday- which I will not get into - I just wanted to spend the day under a rock.   Apparently being under a rock would have been a wiser choice than expecting any kind of so called gestures of love.

Right now, if I could just disappear - I so would. Pulling up my big girl panties now and getting back to reality.

Enjoy your weekend. Peace.

FUCK OFF CUPID !

2012-02-14T09:44:00.000-08:00

I hate Valentines Day !

I hate all you stupid sappy girls who show off the beautiful flowers your man sent you at work !

I hate mushy cards !

I hate the symbol of cupid !

I hate people who get all dressed up and go to dinner tonight !

I hate the phrase "I Love You"

I hate those stupid conversation hearts !

I hate the person who just has to ask "what are you doing for V-Day" !

I hate people who think they are head over heels in love !

I hate people who are happy !

I hate life !

And if you didn't get the point before -

I HATE VALENTINES DAY AND EVERYTHING ABOUT IT.

Why you ask ????

Because .....

Dear Douche Canoe

2012-02-08T09:41:00.000-08:00

So the other day I notice I had a comment - and when I read it - I was like "what the fuck"

Remember this post.......like forever ago:

http://scarlettreds.blogspot.com/2011/03/just-little-bit-of-this-and-little-bit.html

Well apparently instead of this asshole thinking, I had a lazy day - he assumes that I AM lazy....and his comment read this way:

BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN Why American men should boycott American women http://boycottamericanwomen.blogspot.com// I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women? American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least. This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women. BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!

So you can boycott places and you can boycott things - but can you boycott a person? Hmmmmmmm, I'm pretty intelligent and I'm not sure of that one. So this really makes me doubt the intelligence level of the commenter.

And without further ado - an open letter to the hater:

Dear Mr. Douche Canoe,

Congrats ! You won an award! You are douche canoe of the week !

Should I be insulted that you called me immature, selfish, arrogant, and self centered, mental unstable (a ha ha ha ha !), irresponsible, and highly unchaste ?   NAH, cause you know why ? Here's my reasons:

1. If you've been around this blog and my prior blog for a bit, you already know I'm mentally unstable, asshole. So that's not insulting.

2.   Immature - yup sometimes, but never when it matters.   I have more fun when I'm being immature. If you serious all the time, you might as well die now because life is gonna suck for you. But what am I saying, it apparently does suck for you.

3.   Me, selfish? Apparently you do not read my blog and what I give back to my family and community.

4.   Self-centered - well, guilty. Because, in real life it's all about my kids and family - in my blog life it's all about me !

5.    Irresponsible - Dude, I probably make more money in one week, than you'll bring home all month. I've raised 3 kids who are successful and great people, I pay my bills and own a beautiful home - I have my own car - and never really want for anything. So if that is being irresponsible, than so be it.

6.   Highly Unchaste ! That's so funny, you can laugh just at that. It doesn't require my snarky comments - but I will say I LOVE SEX and have it often- jealous ??? Maybe if you got laid everyone in awhile you wouldn't be so uptight.

So really all I have to say to you Mr. I Boycott American Women - you are an ASS - just a flat out ASS. Your probably one of these men that wishes I'd cover my body and face so you can oppress me. Your most likely one of those men who believes that woman should be virgins when they marry - but it's probably all right for you to go out and fuck the world. You most likely one of those men who believes women should be barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen and not have careers of their own. Your probably one of these men who has to Boycott American Women because your penis is so small you can't get any unchaste American Woman to make you cum in colors. Damn Shame !

So, I leave you with this you douche canoe - because not only am I responsible, smart, fun-loving, mother and career woman - I'm also sexy as hell ! I'd say I got it all - so do me a favor and kiss my AMERICAN WOMAN ass. Well, on second thought - I'll let my MAN kiss my beautiful ass and you can just dream about it. And here's a pic, just for you - And yes it's my self centered high unchaste self. Because not even assholes like you can take away the power and beauty of a WOMAN ! Nor could you ever touch someone as beautiful, powerful, intelligent, and successful as me !

With Love,

Scarlett

UPDATE: So I went over to the little dick's blog to post my letter and lo and behold - he doesn't accept comments ! Mmmmmmmm, Chicken Shit.

Public Speaking

2012-02-07T12:11:00.000-08:00

Normally I don't do public speaking. I'm the girl sitting behind the table smiling, giving out literature, and answering questions. So I was a bit taken a back when I was asked to say a few words before a presentation of The Vagina Monologues at a local college.

Not one to say no when it comes to my volunteer work, I agreed. Sure I said - I'll say a few words. And the scary voice in the back of my head says "What the fuck are you thinking?" "You can speak in public." And I really can't. My voice shakes, I choke on my own breath, my hands quiver uncontrollably. It's not a pretty sight.

So I decided I already said yes, no getting out of it - write your speech. Now I like to think I'm a good writer, I've been told I'm a good writer - but that scary little voices pops back up again and says - you can write a letter, but you've never written a speech. This I feel is the least of my problems - so I wait until the last minute and I write it, this way I can't obsess over it. I go home that day to practice before the night's first show - and I can't get past the last paragraph without choking up - UGH ! No matter how many times I read it - my voice shakes and I get all nervous and teary. DAMN IT !

Well, I pack up all my little giveaways, literature, supplies - gather up my speech and head out the door towards my doom. My BFF from my previous post was with me on the first night and gave me as much encouragement as she could - but in the end - I was sweating from every orifice of my body, I felt all itchy, and couldn't breathe right. When the director of the show came to get me so we could go onstage, I took a couple of cleansing breaths, pulled up my big girl panties and walked with my head held high.

Standing on the stage looking out on the crowd of people, I began to tremble. But I was determined damn it.   I read my speech and started to relax a little. Then I got to the end paragraph.   I started to read it, choked up, took a deep breath, apologized for being emotional, and finished.   The applause was thunderous, my moment turned out not to be such a disaster at all.

The next night was a little better - now I know what to expect.   I no longer expected to pee my pants, throw up, break out into hives, or hyperventilate. But the nerves were still raw. On the second night, I had my male BFF with me and the encouragement continued to flow. I was a little more confident this time.   I walked up on the stage, read my little speech - skipped the part that made me tear up - and with the exception of the paper in my hands shaking uncontrollably it think I did good.   And yes there was applause again. YAY !  Of course, my friends, who were there, will tell you I did good. But if you know me and my little scary voice inside my head - I couldn't help but wonder, did I really pull it off - did people get what I was trying to say - did I look like a scared child ?

I got my answer within the past few days.   My first response came from the show's director.   It was in the form of a thank you email and it say this:

"I just want to thank you again on behalf of entire cast for being so generous with your time this weekend and joining us. We were so thankful to have you with us both nights and I know people were moved by your words. I'm also glad you loved the show and I told the girls that you thought they were great. Take care and I look forward to perhaps working with you for a future event! "

Awesome right ! Then I got this from the Director of Education at our organization:

"You are wonderful! I received an email from the V-Day cast telling me what a wonderful presentation you did! May I ask you to let me know approximately how many folks attended each night. We keep track of this stuff. Thanks so much again. We will work on some trainings for you next!"

I was wonderful !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't even tell you how good I feel. You see I do this for free - I volunteer as much time as I can to the cause I feel so deeply connected to. Sometimes it is thankless work - sometimes it's some of the saddest shit you'll ever see - sometimes you wonder "did I really help" - most of the time it's dealing with a person in crisis and it's not fun. But to be able to reach out to the community about the message your organization wants to send - about prevention and education - and to have someone tell you that people were moved and you were wonderful - Well, that's all the thanks I'll ever need.

Do you volunteer in your community? Check it out - it's the best possible boost of your spirits you'll ever give yourself.

Peace out kids - enjoy your Tuesday.

My Friend, My Fear

2012-02-06T12:28:00.000-08:00

The last two weeks have been a bit of whirlwind.   I greeted my best friend from Grade School at the Amtrak Station - so happy with tears of joy.  It has been 10 long years since I had last seen her. She looked a little weathered, maybe worn out, but in my eyes, I could see past the years of a hard life and see the fresh faced kid I met in the 7th grade.

As the week progressed, we were busy with visiting family. We went out and got shit-faced and partied hard with the girls, we visited my parents, our mutual friends....we were busy busy busy. Sometimes a little too busy for me to notice.   And I wish I hadn't.

What I began noticing first was the alcohol dependency. Then the medication.   Medication that scares the shit out of me.   She is on very strong depression drugs, a sleep aid, and something else which I'm not quite sure what it was, it was referred to as an enhancer.   I watched the different person come in and out of the drug haze.   She was taking the medicine with beer and if she wasn't careful - she turned manic, disoriented, and combative. The disorientation scared me so bad, I almost took her to the hospital.   I tried to ignore her situation. She is almost 40 and doesn't need me telling her what to do.   I did lose my temper once and rip her for drinking with the meds. She apologized and admitted she shouldn't have done it.

As our time together drew to a close, I began to realize just how much she wanted to stay. When you listen to what her life is like in North Carolina - you never want her to go back. But she is in the position where staying home in Philly was not an option. We talked about what steps she needed to take to come home permanently and she cried the whole way to the bus station. Of course, my tears sprang when her's did.

As we were saying good bye in front of the bus, we were crying, hugging each other and making promises. I promised to help her come home permanently, I promised to always be there for her. I promised to come visit. As she walked away, I thought in my head, promise me you won't die.

I watched through the big bus window as she made her way wearily down the aisle. I felt like a weight had been dropped on me while I was walking back to my car. As I am walking up the dark city street, I am silently praying to God, begging him, not to let the depression, alcohol, and dependencies take my friend. Please don't let this be the last time I see her.
I sobbed the whole way home. Choked down the tears trying to fall asleep, trying to burn her face inside my mind, trying to burn the laughter of the last two weeks inside my heart. Today, it's a little better but not much. I remember the feeling almost 10 years ago, to the day, that I watched her drive away to a new life in Texas, only this time she wasn't reaching for a new future - she's drowning in future that is bleak and unpromising.

This time, losing her again is unbearable

Philly - Trenton - and Crack Babies

2012-01-31T08:42:00.000-08:00

So I've been thinking. Philadelphia is going to hell in a hand basket and quickly. Just look at those headlines:

http://www.myfoxphilly.com/dpp/news/local_news/victims-speak-about-taxi-cab-beating
http://www.myfoxphilly.com/dpp/news/local_news/Caribe_Mini_Market_Murder_012512
http://www.myfoxphilly.com/dpp/news/local_news/nutter-explains-philly-bounty-policy
http://www.myfoxphilly.com/dpp/news/local_news/West_Philadelphia_Body_Wrapped_012512

I could go on and on with the links but I won't.

The last cab attack happened a block from where I used to work. I'm all walking around my house this morning saying "Oh, I'm so glad I don't work downtown anymore, it's getting crazy down there." Lo and behold - I turn on the TV and the road I take to work is closed because someone got into a car accident with four other vehicles and then got out and started shooting at everyone. Road has been closed since 2:00 a.m., it became a murder scene. Took me over two hours to get to work on an alternate route. Then as I'm parking in the "other" not (not my usual one) Forensics and the cops are on the corner of the parking lot, everything taped off, doing impressions and digging bullets out of a brick wall ! Are you kidding me?????? Philly vs. Trenton - which is the lesser of the two evils.

So I ask myself what is the difference between working in Philadelphia and working in Trenton - ummmm nothing but the fact that Trenton doesn't have skyscrapers. You should have seen the hood I drove through. And being a Philly girl - not much scares me - but this was out right frightening. See that pic - it ain't that pretty.

I was thinking during my two hour long car ride through the dregs of society, what is wrong with young people these days ? And I think I may have it figured....The crack and heroin babies of the 80s and 90s boom are now young adults running a muck - and it's out of control. There is no stabilization, no solid adult to look up too, no proper upbringing. A life of crime and drugs are all these kids know. When you have a crackhead heroin addict parent, you spend most of your life in foster care, watching your parents go in and out of jail, learning violence and crime are acceptable, and then someone says OK your an adult now and your free to do what you want - it's a scary scary concept. Imagine shooting someone in the head over a fender bender. Or the other side, imagine losing a loved one so violently over a fender bender.

I don't mean to sound stereo-typical here, but I've done a little research and I'm not entirely wrong in my opinion. Go ahead. Look yourself. My child was born in 89 - I was a teen when I had her - I chose to work and finish school, I did not do any drugs while pregnant - and my child is now a 22 year old pre-school teacher, with a son of her own and doing the best she can and she obeys the law. I know two people whose children are the same age. These two people both did drugs while pregnant and continued after the child was born and into the child's young impressionable life. Now ask me what happened to these 22 year old kids.........one is in jail for murder and the other overdosed and is dead. His funeral was full of young gang looking thugs. A few of them packing heat. Who brings a gun to a funeral (shaking my head). Get my point ?

Peace out kids - it's gonna be 60 degrees and sunny in January today.

Soak up the Sun and tell everyone to lighten up - Sheryl Crow

Shit I Did While I Wasn't Here

2012-01-30T08:22:00.000-08:00

Shit I've been doing while absent from my blog:

1. I attended a murder trial

2. I've been spending time with my best friend from the 7th grade who lives in North Carolina. She's visiting for two weeks :)
3. I've had some drama and I've decided to put it on the back burner for now, so not like me
4. I won 2nd place in a Chili Cook Off - (2nd year in a row)
5. I've started kickboxing and dropped a pants size
6. I'm completely confused over who to vote for as my republican presidential candidate - Romy or Santorum

7. I've learned that some people, no matter how old still love to say shit like - Oh, he's doing her and her sister ! Seriously, I've gone back to being in high school
8. I've been stalking all your blogs
9. I've went out drinking for the first time in a long time Saturday and my liver is yelling at me for it. It's saying "Dumbass, you are no spring chicken anymore"
10. I've learned my German Shepherd is getting old and the only thing I can do for him is to pump him up with pain meds to improve his quality of life :(
11. I've learned that after my 90 days here at my new job - I still freaking LOVE it
12. I've learned that most people are full of shit
13. And last but not least.....I've learned that a jilted ex - is as dangerous as jumping from an airplane with no parachute - you'll get splatted before you even realized you hit the ground.

Nice List Right ? I thought so - enough to share....So what's going on with you ? You in turmoil? Can't decide who to vote for because they are all assholes. Feeling like killing someone, but can't because all good things come with time? Feeling like gettting some duct tape and taping someone's mouth shut?

Well if you do, give me a call - I'll give you some tips

Peace out Kids ! Have a rockin week.

It's What I've Been Waiting For

2012-01-19T05:07:00.000-08:00

So today is the day ! I'm a little nervous and a lot excited. Why you ask ? My first Supreme Court hearing day J Don't ask me why, I'm a little strange – but I love love love the electricity of a court room session. Or maybe I like watching the guilty get theirs, not sure, we'll call it a tie.

So wish me luck – cause here I go all decked out in a power suit, hair straightened, make up done, heels on – now if I could just find my glasses L

Here's a quiz to keep you busy while I'm gone.

You Are Conscientious

You're all about rules and structure, as long as they make sense.

You strike a good balance between planning and spontaneity.

You leave the less important aspects of life to chance, but you're responsible when you need to be.

You enjoy being organized most of the time, but a little chaos is fun too!

Are You Careful, Conscientious, or Carefree?

Later Folks – Oh and don't be douche canoe's – tell me what your results are J And Yup ! That's so me. Have a great Thursday.

It's Broke and Not Fixable

2012-01-16T05:23:00.000-08:00

It's completely amazing how everything can change and completely fall apart in a matter of a day, a minute, a text message.   What you thought was right, who you trusted, what you dreamed, can all be taken away in an instant. No one has died, yet it feels like a death.

And I think to myself, how did I get here ?   With my own stupidity that's how. I tried to have something that wasn't mine to begin with. Ya know what they say, play with fire and you'll eventually get burned. Well I'm nursing burns all over my heart - I have no one to blame but myself.

But what I can't understand is why? I was open, honest, and thought the truth was the only way to go. Well the truth doesn't work when it's one sided.   I am angry, scared, nervous, sad, depressed, and sick to my stomach. Sleep eluded me last night and I can't think clearly.

And when I ask myself why - I have no answer.

I'll move on.......but will I ever get over it?   My walls are back up and I'm never knocking them down again.   "I love you" is a loaded phrase - the minute you say it - it opens you up to a world of hurt.

And the only thing I am left with is the question "Why," that I will never get an answer to.

The Agony of Suicide

2012-01-12T10:02:00.000-08:00

I come to you today with a very heavy heart. Morning times are not particularly my favorite time of day, so when your kid saves his "I got in trouble at school" news for 7:00 in the morning or when your friend calls you at 6:00, you know it's not gonna be good.

Last night I received a teary "call me" message from a friend. I didn't listen to it until this morning. I sent a text (because it was early in the morning) saying I'm sorry I missed your call, call me when you get up - after hitting send, my phone instantly rang. My friend had lost her brother in the most horrible way possible. He took his own life with a gun. As I listened to the pain in her voice and her trying to choke back her tears, I felt helpless. There are no words one can say to take away that pain.

It brings me back to the early morning phone call I received back in 1992. It was about 4:00 a.m., my sister was calling to tell me my cousin had put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. He was found in the local cemetery where we used to play Bells Out as kids. I remember that day like it was yesterday. My mother was trying my best to console her brother, we were doing our best to console my mother. It was an empty effort – there was no peace with what was to come. A life without their son, grandson, nephew, cousin, uncle – it was the most terrible thing ever. There was no rhyme or reason for his death. There was no explanation, only doubt about whether or not those who loved him did their best to save him. There is guilt and anger, sadness and unbearable pain. I never saw my grandfather get out of his bed after Danny's death. I watch my big strong Uncle fall apart and never be the same again. I watch a family, my family walk around numb for years.

See it doesn't end after the person you love is put in the ground. It doesn't get better over time, you can't find comfort in your memories. Because you think if those memories where so happy, and that person was so happy, they'd be here. There is no getting away from the agony of suicide. You just find a way to live with it.

I have no idea how to comfort my friend, how to tell her it's ok to be angry. I can't imagine losing one of my siblings to suicide. It damaged me when my cousin took his life, I don't think I'd survive one of my sisters giving up like that.

What my point is here today is actually a plea…I'm begging you – if you are reading this and contemplating suicide – please get help right away. Don't wait, don't try to do it on your own, don't push people away. Realize that after your dead, your family has to carry your burden, your pain. Your family is left to wonder why. Your family will feel as if they failed you.

My friend's brother was loved. By his mother, father, two sisters, nieces and nephew – and his children. If only he had reached out. REACH OUT !

If you suspect someone is close to ending their life, try to help. Don't close the door on them, doesn't matter how frustrating it can be – stick it out – reach out – help out – who knows you may make a difference and save someone's life.

Today's post is dedicated to the Memory of Robbie – rest in peace and I pray and hope you are in God's arms now safe from the mental torment you must have faced. AMEN.

With Sadness,

Scarlett

I hate Football - but heart Tebow

2012-01-09T09:31:00.000-08:00

Well, I’m breaking all my own rules here today! First off – let me be the first to say I HATE FOOTBALL. Bring me baseball, bring me hockey, bring me lacrosse – but you can keep your football.

Unfortunately unless you are living under a rock (and I live in a house full of boys), you can’t help but hear about games being played, won, lost, etc. You also can’t help but here about players and what they have or didn’t do in the news.

So I promised myself I wouldn’t touch the Tebow issue. I don’t really like to discuss anything that can pull me into a religious debate or forum. I am very devout in my belief in God and do not wish to be ridiculed for it. Kinda just like Tebow.

Well, today I will touch on this. I hear Tebow pulled a miracle out of his ass this weekend. I hear that the Denver Broncos beat the Pittsburgh Steelers and now the Steelers season has ended. My reply to this: Men around the States – hide your wife, your daughters, and your sisters – because “Big Ben” apparently now has nothing to do with his time. I will not give Ben Rothlisberger anymore mention in this post – because I do not like to think, discuss, or talk about rapists. But he was a good example of the point I am about to make.

What I want to talk about is the fact that my boy is a Denver Broncos fan. I am proud that my son looks up to Tim Tebow. I’m proud that my son’s idol is a God fearing man, who prays and isn’t afraid to pray in public, who isn’t afraid to talk about his faith. Is he a holy roller ? An extremist? Depends on your views regarding your own beliefs. Does he play football better because he is a religious man? Maybe, God does help those who help themselves. Does he deserve to be ridiculed and made fun of for it … absolutely not.

Now I ask you to ponder this thought:

Here are some examples of the types of athletes are children are looking up to and their crimes:

Danny Villa – Former New England Patriot – Arrested in December 2088 for allegedly raping a child and other offenses

Ben Rothlisberger – Pittsburgh Steelers - Charged with rape three times – due to his status as an NFL Quarterback – beats all three charges. Serves no time, pays no price.

Michael Vick – Philadelphia Eagles - Convicted and spent time in prison for Dog Fighting. Cruelty to animals in that regard – involves an individual with no morals or respect for life.

Cornell Green – Oakland Raiders – current pending charges for Aggravated Assault with a Deadly Weapon

Charles Grant – Chicago Bears – During his time with the New Orleans Saints he was charged with Involuntary Manslaughter

Michael Boley – Atlanta Falcons – Family Violence Battery

Below are some mugshots of others - need I say more:

These are just a few examples – you can go here – to see more NFL Crimes and current status of the pending cases. Makes me sick.

I am grateful for a man like Tebow. He gives my boy something positive to look up to. He is an athlete that I wouldn’t mind my son wanting to be like. Just for the record, did you hear what he said when he was asked how he felt after the game – he said he felt great because a child was in the stands with the “Make a Wish Foundation” – her wish – to attend a Bronco’s game ! And what a game she got to see. So after you think about it – who would you rather have your kid idolize – Me, I choose the Holy Roller.

You Rock – Tim Tebow (and your easy on the eyes). I am PRAYING that you and the Broncos make it and WIN this year’s Super Bowl. Thank you for not being afraid to show your faith. Thank you for showing kids that it’s ok to do your own thing and be proud of who you are and what you believe in.

And just for the record – Rothlisberger – you can go to hell where you belong.

Peace out Kiddies !

Obtainable Resolutions (Hopefully)

2012-01-04T07:31:00.000-08:00

I’ve been thinking A LOT about what 2012 holds for me. I’ve been wondering constantly where I will be on December 31, 2012, well that’s if the world doesn’t end with the Mayan calendar.

Although I have a ton of stuff on my mind and my plate, I’ve done a little soul searching and have decided that it’s time to repair some damages done over the year.

The first would be to correct the massive mistake I made in employment choices. I left my fast paced job as a corporate paralegal to work for a privately owned firm owned by a complete maniac and his wife. All for money. This year, I realized – money isn’t everything. When I say this was the worst job ever, I totally mean it, and I used to be a collection agent so that says a ton. The office manager had no clue what she was doing and often laid her mistakes and errors on others. She even tried to micro-manage, but sadly sucked at that too. About 4 months of working there, I come to find out I am in the company of a registered sex offender. And get this, the registered sex offender is married to the dipshit officer manager. I am a rape crisis counselor and victims advocate and here I am working with a man who was convicted and spent 8 YEARS in jail for rape. That’s some pretty strong evidence to send someone away for that long. I have corrected this horrid situation by obtaining the “opportunity of a life time” I began my new position right before the Thanksgiving and Christmas season. It was truly a miracle answered by God. Considering the economy, I feel very blessed to have been offered this job.

Next would be to repair the damage done to some relationships that I’ve cherished or loathed in the past.

There are some aspects of my personal life that I have decided I’m no longer blogging about, because when it comes down to it, people thrive on other people’s pain. Well guess what - it’s my pain and you can’t thrive on it. Just know this, I have someone who is looking after me and who loves me a great deal, what I do with that is totally for me and me only. I will work it out, just not sure how yet. But if you’re a religious person, can you pray for me. Pray that I make it through and come out happy in the end. My biggest fear is that everyone gets hurt and it will all be my fault.

The other aspect of my relationship repairs would be that of friendship nature. Last year, I “thought” I had lost a very good friend. We had a falling out, some things were said, and communication was lost. Throughout the year, I’ve felt so guilty about the way things ended. I don’t do well with guilt. When I really sat down and thought about it I realized that I let the selfish beast in me come out and by doing so, I lost a good friend. So I decided to send an email and say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. The response I received was overwhelming and I truly believe that we will get past the ugliness and remain close friends. I don’t have that many, so when I let you in, you must be worth it. And if you read this, our friendship is worth it. I value your opinion and I’m so happy that I can call you my friend again. 3,000 miles or not, you’ll always be close.

And the last thing I need to get off my mind today is my New Year’s Resolutions. I have many this year. Funny I go from not making any for years and years (I don’t like to disappoint myself) to having this many:

1. I quit smoking on New Year’s day. It’s been 4 days and I want a cigarette badly ! But I’m determined, so we will see. I was determined last time I quit to

2. I want to see my friends more. I want to go back to Troy and visit Ella and Frank, I want to go to Indiana and visit my high school friend, I want to go to North Carolina and see where my very best friend spends all her time. I want to see my friends not just Facebook with them. Meeting blog friends would rock too J

3. I want to have at least $8K saved by the end of the year.

4. I want to lose weight and tone (signing back up for kickboxing on Friday, can’t wait) !

5. And I want to be happy with the person I love.

I guess when you really read them, first time I’ve wrote them down, they don’t seem too unobtainable. Although, the jury is still out of the smoking thing. I do enjoy it. Why does everything enjoyable have to end in death if you don’t quit? (shaking my head).

So what does 2012 hold for you ? I’ve been reading a lot of posts in the Blogosphere about what people want or expect – well, I don’t expect anything, but I plan to work hard to achieve my goals this year – and God help anyone who tries to get in my way.

Peace out kids ~ enjoy your hump day J

Today I Stole A Post - Today I Learned I'm Not So Alone In My Battle

2012-01-03T08:54:00.000-08:00

I had to share this today. I have suffered from depression for going on 15 years now and I have never been able to understand just want the "in-between time is", Thanks to The Bloggess I now know, it is called recovery....

Today I bring you Jenny, The Bloggess. I read Jenny because I know that everyday she will make me laugh. We all need a little laughter right ? Today, she blew my mind and I've gained a whole new respect for her. I've copied and pasted the post with the link. It is not the entire post, at the end she is VERY personal and I didn't want to take away from her experience...you can click the link to read more.

The Fight Goes On. from The Bloggess by Jenny the bloggess

If you follow me on twitter you already know that I’ve been battling off one of the most severe bouts of depression I’ve ever had. Yesterday it started to pass, and for the first time in weeks I cried with relief instead of with hopelessness. Depression can be crippling, and deadly. I’m lucky that it’s a rare thing for me, and that I have a support system to lean on. I’m lucky that I’ve learned that depression lies to you, and that you should never listen to it, in spite of how persuasive it is at the time.

When cancer sufferers fight, recover, and go into remission we laud their bravery. We call them survivors. Because they are.

When depression sufferers fight, recover and go into remission we seldom even know, simply because so many suffer in the dark…ashamed to admit something they see as a personal weakness…afraid that people will worry, and more afraid that they won’t. We find ourselves unable to do anything but cling to the couch and force ourselves to breathe.

When you come out of the grips of a depression there is an incredible relief, but not one you feel allowed to celebrate. Instead, the feeling of victory is replaced with anxiety that it will happen again, and with shame and vulnerability when you see how your illness affected your family, your work, everything left untouched while you struggled to survive. We come back to life thinner, paler, weaker…but as survivors. Survivors who don’t get pats on the back from coworkers who congratulate them on making it. Survivors who wake to more work than before because their friends and family are exhausted from helping them fight a battle they may not even understand.

Regardless, today I feel proud. I survived. And I celebrate every one of you reading this. I celebrate the fact that you’ve fought your battle and continue to win. I celebrate the fact that you may not understand the battle, but you pick up the baton dropped by someone you love until they can carry it again. I celebrate the fact that each time we go through this, we get a little stronger. We learn new tricks on the battlefield. We learn them in terrible ways, but we use them. We don’t struggle in vain. We win. We are alive.

I celebrate you Jenny - your passion, your drive, and your fight for happiness and freedom from the darkness. I am now thinking of myself as a survivor of depression, no longer a victim. I, for one will wear that silver ribbon proudly :)

Peace to all of you - Let's all hope and pray for a better 2012 !

Out of Touch

2011-11-29T13:53:00.001-08:00

Learning my new job ! Be Back Soon :)

Thank You For My Freedom !

2011-11-11T07:54:00.000-08:00

To all the veterans out there - Thank you ! To my father - my favorite Marine - I thank you for all you are and who I've become because of you. To the families whose Vets are no longer here: I hope peace is brought to your hearts and your grief be turned to a smile with loving memories.

I was just wondering - Can we bring our boys home now ?

Tip your hat today, shake a hand, politely nod - but thank a Veteran in some way.

Happy Birthday to the Marines !

2011-11-10T06:56:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to the United States Marine Corps ! Thank you to all who have served in the past and currently serving to protect my freedom XXXXXOOOOO

Semper Fi !

Feeling the Sting on 11/11/11

2011-11-09T06:33:00.000-08:00

It was supposed to be the day my oldest daughter waited for since she was a little girl and began having dreams about her adult life. 11/11/11 was to mark the day that she said "I Do" and began life as a married woman. We shopped for the dress and found the perfect one, we looked at halls and catering and found the perfect place, she picked bridesmaids and colors, and she knew what kind of night she wanted.

And then it all went to shit. Right now, I would love to ring the neck of my grandson's father. I can't say that I am thrilled that their relationship didn't work out, but when I heard what was going on behind closed doors, I was not at all happy. See, a mother will defend her kids no matter how old they get. Whether my first born is right or wrong I will stand beside her and up for her. Why this little prick and some members of his family want to push me to that is beyond me. I have the "conversation" with the Kid. I told him that I don't want to be involved or brought into the middle of his issues with my daughter, but if he continues to harass her and let his family harass her, I will have no choice but to get involved. And believe me, he doesn't want me to get involved. I have the power to slam his ass in child support court with free legal representation for my daughter - stupid son-of-a-bitch will wind up paying her filing fees when I'm done with him. He'll have limited supervised visits with his son, because of a certain box I found under one of his hats in the apartment (I will leave out what the box contained), and I will generally make his life a living hell. Enough said - he has been somewhat behaving himself since "the conversation."

My point is the wedding the won't be. Since the break-up the hall has been cancelled, the dress has been given to my niece, the ring has been sold, and the tears have dried up. I'm left wondering how my daughter will approach Friday, 11/11/11 on what would have been her wedding day? I wonder what I can do to make that day sting less ? Damn, sometimes being the parent of an adult is harder than raising them as little ones.

Beware your child's relationships - it's very difficult to keep your mouth shut and not get involved. Thank God for Blogs :)

Peace out kids - enjoy your hump day ;)

Some Thoughts and Ronald Reagan

2011-11-07T06:07:00.000-08:00

Happy Monday Kids....So what is on my mind today.....let's see:

1. I'm so nervous about starting my job in a few weeks that I think I have hives. I'm itchy all over. This nervousness is new, I was good up until last night.

2. I let a friend down this weekend and I'm really upset about it. Although I did good Friday, I was really sick and in bed all day Sunday - no visit.

3. I'm so disappointed in Joe Paterno that I'm ill about it. No doubt in my mind that he knew what was going on and did the bare minimum to stop it or help.

4. I have off next week - YAHOO!

5. I'm going shoe shopping - DOUBLE YAHOO ! and....

6. I'm just taking one day at a time and trying to remind myself to breath.

So that's about it - I know boring shit right. This weekend was lame, I didn't get to do the things I wanted to do, but I'll get over it. But I did buy a purse (and yes that is a pic of it) and wallet on Friday night, I did get to have the best crab fries on the face of this earth and my two favorite people got to meet each other. So, I wasn't a total loss.

Since I haven't done it in awhile I think we'll do a quiz....ya know since it's Monday and I'm boring the shit out of you. Since November 8th is right around the corner and the the presidential election is next year....try this one on:

You Are Most Like Ronald Reagan

People tend to think you're a god - or that you almost ruined the country.

But even if people do disagree with you, they still fall victim to your charms!

What Modern US President Are You Most Like?

Blogthings: Our Quizzes Weren't Written By Bored 12 Year Olds

I like this result - Reagan was my favorite president of all times ! What did you get, don't be shy :)

Well I'm out, gotta pretend like I'm doing some actually work - Count down to the end of my career in Philadelphia as a Paralegal - 4 days :)

Peace !

Rated "R"

2011-11-04T12:42:00.000-07:00

So this afternoon, I decided to catch up on my favorite blogs and I stopped by Frank's Place (click here). The post "Gather Round Children" caught my eye and seems Frank's blog is rated "G". I haven't done a blog rating since Searching For Tomorrow - that blog used to get a PG-13. Seems that I'm getting a little raunchy in my old age, I've graduated to a (drum roll please....)

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

The rating system tells me I got a rating of "R" because:

I said ass (six times) - I said suck (two times) - and I said zombie (one time) HUH ????????? No fooling look:

ass (6x)
suck (2x)
zombie (1x)

Well I guess if your gonna suck a zombies ass, you get an "R" rating. I guess it didn't need to pick up on all the "F" bombs I drop - the nearly X-rated pictures I post - And I must use the word shit like a gazillion times. What confuses me the most is at Searching for Tomorrow, one of my favorite topics was sex.........sex in space......sex in motels........sex in cars.......sex in the tub.... you name I talked about it. I've also discussed vibrators......KY jellies.......and sex swings - still got a PG -13. Hmmmm, I guess ass and suck is enough these days to push you to an "R" rating, no wonder most movies suck these days- so here is my disclaimer.....

ONLY READ THE CONTENTS OF SCARLETT'S MIND IF YOUR 18 OR OLDER - OR IF YOUR MOMMY SAYS SO. PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

Maybe I'll experiment and go back to my sex talk, vibrator reviews, and nekkid pics - PG-13 here I come....

Thanks Frank ☺

Peace out Kids - Enjoy your weekend.

Fashion Faux Pas ??

2011-11-03T09:05:00.000-07:00

Today's post is inspired by my walk from the train to my building today. I am normally a person who pays attention to other people's fashion. Particularly shoes. However, I am not one to notice an ass on a woman being as I'm not sexually attracted to women. But this morning, total exception to the rule. And had I remembered I'm then owner of a phone with a camera, I totally could have captured the moment. However what I saw was almost exactly this:

Now normally, I think - Oh jeeze - but this time - I didn't see this image on a young teen aged girl or young woman, I saw it on a woman who was my mother's age. She was wearing just leggings...no cute dress or really long sweater over top - just leggings. Did I mention she was about my mother's age and being that I'm in my late 30s - that's pretty old.

Please for the love of God - accept your age and dress accordingly. I just had this issue with my 18 year old daughter. She takes me to Plato's Closet, which is a high end thrift store for young women. They sell items such as Aero, Pac Sun, Forever 21, Hollister and such places. These are brand name clothes that no 30-something woman should wear. Totally not age appropriate. How come I can recognize that and others can not ?? Now let me explain the reason I noticed this woman at all - she had on kick ass boots - yup kick ass black boots with just leggins - what a waste. And granted it was 8:20 in the morning, so she was most likely headed to work with the rest of us - in her black leggins with nothing else on.

So I wonder - did she think she was wearing pants ? Did she not look in the mirror at her ass before she left for work. I always check out my own ass in the mirror after I'm dressed, you know for pantie lines and such. I wonder if she is gonna get sent home from work today? Or is anyone going to tell her that you can see her granny underware and cellulite through them? Damn..................

Well anyway, guess I'll never know. Hope you all are having a great Thursday. Stay cool kids :) And for Pete's Sake - if your gonna wear leggins - please, please, please wear something over them that covers your behind !

I'm Apparently a Naughty Girl

2011-11-02T11:47:00.000-07:00

So today on Facebook I asked "Is it too early to ask Santa for a laptop" - my favorite responses:

Friend #:1 Were you a good girl?
My Reply: Of course ;)
Friend #2: See you are not a good girl cause I have never known you to be "good" and you just lied about it. I am calling him up right now and telling him to put you on the naughty list. no new laptop for you :P
My Reply: That's just terrible Stacy - I'm a good girl now, i swear it !

Then I receive this via a personal email from a completely different friend:

Think they are trying to tell me something ??? Guess I can kiss that laptop good-bye and look forward to some coal.

It's been a difficult few weeks - I'm really praying for some peace and quiet for a change. 19 more days until I start my new career and I can't wait. Before that, a glorious week off and some much needed retail therapy :) Maybe then I'll have something interesting to post.

Until then Kids, keep it real - because I'm reading....................

Enjoy your Hump Day ♥

Happy Halloween My Spooky Zombies and Ghouls !

2011-10-31T06:22:00.000-07:00

Halloween is one of my FAVORITE holidays !

Hope Everyone has Blast Trick or Treating - and the kiddies find it

scary and fun all at the same time !

I leave you with a classic !

Peace out my little Ghouls !

Renewed Faith In Humanity - Which is Rare For Me Cause Most People Suck

2011-10-25T13:52:00.000-07:00

As we all know, well those of us who aren't super rich - not having money sucks a big fat stinky ass. I've often found myself in a situation that I couldn't pay a bill or had to modify or re-finance to make ends meet. But I've never had to go hungry. I used to have oodles or noodles or peanut butter and jelly for dinner because maybe there wasn't enough of meats and veggies to feed myself and my kids, but giving up meat and potatoes and having soup instead isn't quite the same as not eating at all.

These moments in my life have always led me to volunteer for some kind of Food Drive near the holidays. I used to work with the Salvation Army and deliver food bags to the poor. Sometimes, I'd load up my car and drop off can goods to Philabunance, other times I'd participate in 5K Runs/Walks to end hunger. Never in a million years did I dream that I would be raising money to feed one of my own loved ones. But this year, that is exactly what I will be doing.

I have a friend who is more than a sister to me. We met in the 7th Grade and have been close ever since. We've been through deaths, births, love, broken hearts, marriages, and divorce. Ten years ago she moved down south and never looked back. We talk on the phone at least 3X per month, so when she called Friday night late, I really didn't think anything of it. We discussed her father's failing health, her plans for when he passes, and as she talked her troubles seem to get worse. She's a proud woman who never asks for help, only for me to listen so I knew something was wrong when she said she needed me and was choking back tears when trying to tell me why.

She finally got it out that she has nothing to eat. She eats sporadically when someone gives her left overs and never knows where her next meal is coming from or when.   See, her unemployment ran out, she is caring for a sick parent, and lives in the middle of nowhere. Jobs are difficult to come by, especially today.   She told me that she had some people she thought were friends, that claim they can't include her in dinner or send her anything left over. What kind of friend does that? What kind of person, regardless of friendship status let's a person go hungry. She's not asking for money, she's asking for something to eat. This to me is unacceptable.

So, I sent her money to go grocery shopping. Although it temporarily made me feel better, I thought it wasn't enough. What happens when she runs out of food again and I'm broke and can't help. What then ?   So I brainstormed and decided to hit Facebook for some help. I created an event called the Food Drive and messages all my adult friends with my girl's story and asked for gift cards to Food Lion or Walmart.   Now I expected some people to help, because I know that they are charitable and I always give when I'm asked. But what I never expected was the kindness of people who I've never met before.

Let me explain. I've often mentioned my previous blog, so when I deleted the blog, I gathered a few of my followers and we connected on Facebook. These are men and women I have never met before. This was a close knit group of people who commented back and forth on each other blogs - lived scattered across the United States, and I haven't had the pleasure to meet. Well except Ella and her man Frank - we met and are now good friends. Well...... most of the people who have responded to my event saying that they will help are these people from my previous blog.   I am totally speechless. I knew that these people were kind and caring. Most of them I have home addresses for and we have exchanged Christmas cards and gifts for new babies and such, but I never expected a response for money to feed a stranger. I never expected to receive that kind of support from my blog friends. It was amazing to know that good people are out there, you just have to know where to look to find them.

I think the blogging community is awesome. For those of you who don't read Jenny Lawson (the Bloggess) (P.S. Why aren't you reading her - are you a communist ?), she proved it last year during her Christmas Drive and the money made from James Garfield (click here to read the James Garfield story, it's so amazing), I'm just hoping that I can follow in her footsteps and get some people fed. I'm think of expanding my efforts to the internet. I have to check with my Cowboy first to see if he'll be my giftcard collector. I dont' have a PO box and would like not to be stalked by a crazed serial killer, so I'll see where that idea takes me. But I really hope that I can lend a hand and feed not just my friend, but others in need. No one should ever have to go to bed hungry.

If you would like to help and are willing to send a gift card - leave me a comment and an email address and I'll get in touch with you. Or maybe you can start your own food or gift drive - I'd love to help.

Peace out kids.........and remember "One of the greatest feelings in the world is knowing that we as individuals can make a difference"

Thanks for reading.

Here's A Scenario For Ya

2011-10-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

So over the weekend we celebrated my grandson's 2nd birthday with a party at the park. And what a fabulous party it was. Weather was perfect, food was great, company even better. Well, with one exception.....my grandson's other grandmother.

Here's a little history - she hates my daughter. Enough said, right - well, nope.

My daughter and B's father split up a few months ago. When they were together, this woman made EVERYTHING difficult. She always has to do things the hard way. I rented a hall to throw my kid a baby shower, she had to have her own party - she was pissed because I was there when B was born and she wasn't. She was mad and jealous over the relationship I have with my Girl. I guess she expected to step in and fill my shoes. That makes me laugh almost.

Since the breakup, this woman has sent text messages to my daughter calling her such things as a dirty whore, a no good mother, a piece of work, blah, blah, blah, blah........ I've seen these messages and seen her condition (drunk) when she sent them. And yesterday I got to be in her presence for the first time since the last of many harassings. Someone should take that Bitch's cellphone off of her and tell her that only high schoolers behave the way she does.

I really thought she was going to try and one up me at the party like she normally does, but no. Then I thought she may attempt to make small talk with me, but nope on that one too. Then I started to wonder.......did someone tell her that if she pushes the envelope and speaks to me, I'm going to run her over with my car.....hmmmmmmm - maybe.

See, I did verbally threaten that if she even attempted to "chat it up" I was going to kill her. I was only being civil due to the fact we were at a kid's birthday party. The inner evil in me wanted to embarrass the hell out of her, beat her to a bloody pulp, and throw her out of the park. But since she chose to sit on the outside of the party pavilion, and steered clear of me all day, I didn't get my chance.

Damn......maybe next time.

Peace out Kids - Fuck off Monday !

The Impact of 1947

2011-10-22T09:40:00.000-07:00

(Courtesy of the dude from down South who likes to make me laugh in the morning...)

The year was 1947.

Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little more than 64 years ago, numerous witnesses claim that an Unidentified Flying Object, (UFO), with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico.

This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered-up by the U.S. Air Force, as well as other Federal Agencies and Organizations.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April, year 1948, nine months after the historic day, the following people were born:

Barrack Obama

Albert A. Gore, Jr.

Hillary Rodham

William J. Clinton John F. Kerry

Howard Dean

Nancy Pelosi

Dianne Feinstein

Charles E. Schumer

Barbara Boxer

Joe Biden

This is the consequence of aliens breeding with sheep and jack-asses.

I truly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It certainly did for me.

And now you can stop wondering why they support the bill to help all Illegal Aliens.

Born, Raised, Worked, and Moving On

2011-10-21T09:13:00.000-07:00

So remember the opportunity I've been waiting for ......drumroll please..........

I beat out 101 other candidates for a position with the State as a Supervisor in the Office of the Disciplinary Review Board ! I couldn't be more excited and more proud of myself than I am now. I'm going to toot my own horn here for a bit. This is the job that I have worked my entire career for. This is MY opportunity of lifetime and I can't wait to grab it and run ! Today begins the 30 day countdown to my new career.

Seems I'm more excited than nervous - I can't wait to arrive at the Justice Center every day knowing that it will be a new adventure. No more commuting on trains, battling Center City traffic. No more city wage tax, no more bridge tolls !

However there are two things that have been bothering me of late - one is losing my everyday lunch partner, but I'm working on making up that time and the other is leaving my City.

I used to be called Philly Proper. I was born here, raised here, lived here, and worked here. But then I fucked it up by moving to New Jersey. So I'm only sorta proper. Regardless of the traffic and general overcrowdedness, I love Philadelphia. I love the electric feel of the City when it's a buzz. I love that there is a coffee shop and place to get a cheese steak on every corner. I love the architecture, the history, and believe it or not, most of the people are pretty decent. I love soft pretzels for lunch. I love the skyline and the fact I can go have lunch along the water. I love that I can go to many many locations at happy hour. I love that I've made a lot of acquaintances here that I often run into on the street. I totally love it at Christmas time and I'm not sure how it's gonna feel leaving for the last time. I know I will be back of course, I'm always downtown - but not working here anymore - feels a little bittersweet.

What do you think? Am I too attached, or will it make coming into town a little more exciting now that I won't be here every single day ? Maybe I won't groan anymore when some says "let's go to Center City," maybe I'll put on my best heels, cutest skirt, and be excited to hit the town.

Just wanted to pop in and share my news ! Hoping you all have an awesome weekend. Me, I'm celebrating Little B's 2nd Birthday ! Man time flies when your having fun.

Peace out kids.

Domestication

2011-10-10T07:05:00.000-07:00

So, you all most likely know that I am a mother of 3. Two girls, one boy. My girls are out on their own and my son is 11. I must say that when my 18 year old moved out this year, I felt a little of the empty nest going on. But I still had my boy, right? Or so I thought.......

This weekend my son attended his first girl/boy party. This party was also significant because it was at night. I'm informed that this girl, whose birthday party it is, is my son's "girlfriend" ....Whoaaaaaa....a little too young right ? You would think. So off we go to buy new clothes for the party (don't use the term outfit with you boy, apparently on girl's buy new outfits) and a gift. The time comes and he leaves for his party all spiffy, smelling of cologne, with his hair all slicked up and he's looking cool. Mom on the other hand, a total emotional wreck.

I attempted to watch TV, felt too depressed and lonely. Attempted to brew some coffee and relax with my Nook, nope too depressed and lonely. So what did I do.... I domesticated. I baked 3 dozen peanut butter cookies and homemade blueberry muffins. After the first tray of PB cookies I was still upset. I walked into the living room, put the hot cookies on the table, but had no child to serve them too. After the 2nd dozen I was stuffing myself fat with cookies and thinking how much I dig the magic of "comfort food." The home made muffins came out of the oven just before he came home.

When my boy walked through the door the whole house smelled like Betty Crocker's Bakery.   My son, very inquisitive as to why his ball busting career woman Mom, who never cooks and rarely bakes, is in the kitchen pretending to be June Cleaver.

Try explaining that one to your 11 year old son.   After my feeble explanation, he shakes his head, proceeds into the kitchen to eat my goodies and mumbles under his breath:

"I was for sure she would be playing my guitar hero."

Hope everyone has a Monday that rolls by so fast it's over before it can annoy you.

Peace Kids.

An Omen Maybe - Or a Sign ?

2011-10-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

So today is Friday. Ya-Hooo! I'm leaving early from the J.O.B. today due to roofing issues - UGH ! However, I got to drive in. Usually in the car is where is do some of my best thinking. This morning, I tried to clear my mind and not think. See.....I've been having a rough time with my career. I've been waiting on a new opportunity since August, and since I'm STILL in the running and a decision has yet to be made it's been wearing on me a lot. Yesterday, was the worst day I've ever had at my current job - I almost packed up and walked out before noon. And it seems my supposed "manager" was relieved that I came in today. Yup, it was bad.

Anyway, I attempted to clear my mind quite a few times....I reached for the radio - this song was on 94.5 - and then it was over - I went to another channel, 101.1 and it came on again - will it be a good life?

Then while I was channel surfing I came across this oldie on 106.1 and when it was over and I channel surfed it came on again on 93.7...........mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ????????

So now I'm wondering. While I'm fighting my thoughts and trying for just one day not to think about all I got going on in my career and personal life - was I getting a message ?

Freaky....

Hope everyone enjoys their Friday - Tonight I'll be praying to the Baseball Gods for a win for my beloved Phillies - hoping to kick some Cardinal ass. And for the record, it made my morning to find out that the Yankees goose was cooked last night - Congrats to the Detriot Tigers. I hope I don't eventually kick myself in the ass for the offer of congradulations :)

Later kids. Enjoy your Friday and upcoming weekend.

Hey Don't Worry

2011-10-04T06:26:00.000-07:00

GO PHILLIES !

Friday Funnies :)

2011-09-30T06:12:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of a good friend who makes me laugh on a daily basis - (Thanks, you)

A SHORT LOVE STORY
A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying . . .

‘Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.’

‘I have a better idea,’ she replied. ‘Just for tonight . . .. . . Let’s pretend that we’re married.’

‘Wow! ………………………….. That’s a great idea!’ he exclaimed.‘Good,’ she replied ……………..

‘Get your own fucking blanket.’ After a moment of silent, ………………… he farted.

THE END !

Have a Funky Friday Kids !

Screw You Sport Illustrated!

2011-09-28T14:08:00.000-07:00

Oh what the fuck !!! Seriously !!!!!

The dreaded curse of the S.I. cover has hit Philly (again)..............and I'm not happy about it. (although I have to admit this picture has me drooling and giving a little hum-a-na-hum-a-na moment)

Don't believe me - there really is a Sport Illustrated curse ! It's Wiki'ed Click for Urban Legend on the Curse of the S.I. Cover

I adore my hometown team. I loved them when they spent the whole season in the basement - I loved them when were were a mediocre team who got into the playoffs on the wild card, and I loved them when we made our run and the Phillies made it awesome to be a fan in 2007 to the present.

We broke the curse of Billy Penn in "08 (click for that story) and now we have to contend with the S.I. Curse. (*shaking my head*). I'm am not a happy Phillies Camper over here. Really we do not need the publicity, so please tell me why our fab pitchers would agree to this cover....is it in the contracts? I do know that media obligations are contractual - but please put a clause in all future Phils contracts that you will never agree to an S.I. cover right before the post season. NEVER !
Am I being superstitious, a mad phan, a tad bit crazy......ummmmmm....maybe......

But in reality - I just want another parade !

So get ready my fellow Phillies Phans - and band wagon jumpers because it's almost.......

Peace out Kids - Happy Hump Day ! GO PHILLIES !

Thanks to "He Says His Number is 911" for the pic and the post idea......

The Asshole Who Drives the BMW

2011-09-20T08:50:00.000-07:00

I've always had a theory and I apologize in advance to anyone that I am about to insult. But I just must share with you that people that drive BMWs are ASSHOLES! Doesn't matter if the car is brand spankin new or as old as dirt, total assholes !

What gives the BMW driver the balls to cut people off, direct themselves into your lane of traffic with no turn signal in a traffic jam, and tailgate you and almost hit you while swinging around your car on the highway. See all of these things happened during my commute to work today, and each and every dickhead driving violator was a BMW owner. Go figure.

I would like to know what gives you people the right to drive like the road belongs to you and only you? Is it because my little compact Chevy makes you giggle? Is it because you feel that your status in this life is more important than mine because you drive a foreign car that is more expensive? At least I can say that I keep American car workers employed by buying an American made car. I personally think it's has to do with money. It is a fact that BMW has a reputation for expensive vehicles, it is not a fact that driving an overpriced car takes you higher up on the social ladder than me. Got news for you, I love my little Chevy and wouldn't trade it for your expensive piece of shit foreign car anway !

So here's a TIP ! Whether you drive a Chevy, a Pontiac, a Benz, a BMW, a Kia, a Rabbit, a Lexis, or a Toyota - my life is important - please don't cut me off, tailgait me, slam your brakes on in front of me, or almost side swipe me trying to change lanes. My kids love me and would like me to remain alive. DONT' BE AN ASSHOLE !

Douche Canoes !

In the meantime, have a Sexy and Tasty Tuesday ! I'm Out Kids.

Sometimes I Love Being a Conservative

2011-09-14T12:49:00.000-07:00

As you can read, I rarely ever touch on politics here, well unless it's election time. But I am part of the Being Conservative facebook group. I love it ..... Their profile pic is Presiden Reagan ! My favorite president :)

Anyway, I just couldn't resist................................

I'm actually really interested to see what happens next year - I've been looking at the candidates running their mouths so far and honestly I'm unimpressed. Donald Trump is looking better and better.

Peace Out Kids - Enjoy your Hump Day

My Little Man is Matchsticks

2011-09-13T09:55:00.000-07:00

So today marks a significant milestone in my never ending drama of a life. 11 years ago today, I gave birth to a strapping, huge, and adorably cute baby boy. Finally I get to mold the Man ! Finally, I get to teach the boy how to be independent, rely on himself, treat your woman like a queen, be kind and gentle, yet stern and strong. Finally, I got my boy.

And what I learned in the past 11 years............

1.   It's easier raising boys than girls (I know this because I have two girls)
2.   When your son cries it effects you more than if your daughter cries.
3.   Be careful and don't insult a woman in front of her son....he will rip your face off.
4.   The boy would protect me at all costs.
5.   He was born sensitive and caring, I didnt' need to guide him in that direction.
6.   He's definitely not gay, he loves women.
7.   He maybe skinny but he's got the strength of an Ox.
8.   He is smart and has great common sense.
9.   Boys need ego boosts every once in awhile.
10. You can't protect your son from fights and bullies after a certain age, you have to let them do it on their own (and I still only follow this rule if it's just bullying and not the type of crap that kids do to torture each other these days.)
11.   And finally, he is not his father.

I am so proud of the boy who will eventually grow into a man. And sometimes it's hard to believe that someone so phenomenal and smart could have come from me. It's truly amazing.

In a way, your child's birthday is like a new rebirth for you every year. When you look back on the past and realize hey - I'm doing ok - it's really good, and I always take the good when I can grab ahold of it. And my Boy - he's all about the good in people. He tends to bring out the best in most folks, can always make you smile, and loves with all of his heart. So this post is in honor of my Son and a thank you to the Good Lord for entrusting me with his life. I really can't wait to see what the next 11 years brings !

Peace out kids....enjoy your Tuesday.

When Ten Years Feels Like Yesterday 9/11/01 - 9/11/11

2011-09-11T06:05:00.000-07:00

I have no words today. I have feelings and emotions, but no words.

I came across this on another blog. It's heart wrenching ..... you'll need tissues. However, it will remind you to pray, be grateful for your loved ones (especially My Daddy).

No Words.

In Honor of the NY Firefighters

2011-09-10T04:58:00.000-07:00

Empire State of Mind 9/11 Tribute. I love this, and wanted to share.

My Personal Thank You for your acts of heroism and bravery in the most scariest of times.

Patience is Certainly Not My Virtue

2011-09-08T07:03:00.000-07:00

Damn, does it suck being an impatient person. Sucks being around impatient people. Example as such, my father, stands in McDonalds - orders 4 breakfast sandwiches and juice - decides it's taking too long and demands his money back. After he received his cash he loudly states "this is supposed to be fast food." Good grief, right !

I also considered my self in between a patient person and someone who can't stand to wait. But I've been thinking on that lately, seems I was wrong all these years. You know the old saying "good things come to those who wait" ? Yeah, well I don't want to wait, I'm a good person and I want it NOW !

I think it's more of the uncertainty and not knowing. See I'm up for a very important position with the State where I currently live. It would come with a significant salary increase and great benefits. I could drive my comfy car to work everyday and park for free. No more trains, no more hustle and bustle of rude individuals in Center City, and most important, No More City Wage Tax ! That in itself is a salary increase.

The problem is that I interviewed at the end of August and was told a decision would be made around the second week of September. I'm up against 24 other applicants. UGH ! Right. Well maybe not, because I was also told that over 125 people applied for the job and only 25 were picked to interview. Yours truly being one of them. I went in wearing the most kick ass dress I've ever owned, with great peep toe shoes to match. I had two raving letters of recommendation and a resume full of experience. But I realize the more time that passes, the more my confidence drains out of me. I'm terrified to check my email these days for fear of finding a rejection letter :( It's quite annoying.

So come on all ready - Chief Counsel - I'm your girl, you just don't realize it yet. I would so rock this job - it's everything I love to do in the Court System and Office. So cross you fingers my 6 followers and pray like crazy if that's your thing. I'll just sit right here and continue to drive my own self crazy.

Peace out ! Enjoy your day :)

I HATE THIS BLOG

2011-09-01T07:17:00.000-07:00

I hate this fucking blog.   I wish I never would have started blogging. It really has changed so much in my life.   It opened the door to new and wonderful people, however it also opened the door to a lot of pain, a lot of pain.   Sometimes I'm a bit slow when it comes to matters of the world and just how sucky people can be. I admit though I did let my guard down and opened the door which was like writing out an invitation.

My place was started as a way to save my own life. I never imagined that it would snowball the way it did. I started getting comments and followers. I started making friends and it was kinda like a support group. Until the nasty's came out.

See back then I didn't understand that people could track who was reading their blogs. They could tag IP addresses, use Analytics - all kinds of sneaky shit.   I eventually caught up and taught my self these skills but the damage was done.   At this point, I'm being accused of fucking around with a chick's husband, I'm accused of being self centered and stuck up, I'm accused of being an attention whore because of the stories I tell, and toward the end of Searching for A New Tomorrow - I felt beat down.   So I decided that this was my own fault for putting all my stuff out there for everyone to see, and I started Just A Normal Chick. Many of my readers followed but not all and I stopped talking about my private stuff. Every once in a while something would come through because I needed to vent - but it was basically boring. And this blog is even worse. I'm sure I routinely disappoint my 6 followers.

The other problem I'm having with blogs is other people's that I read.   My first issue is that I follow you - why don't you follow me? Dumb, but it kinda hurts my feelings, LOL. Then I see guest posts from people I used to talk to, that don't talk to me anymore - and it opens up wounds and makes me sorry and miss those people, almost as if there is a hole in my chest.   I didn't have that issue before I blogged.   It's like having a friend that hates you now, but is still around and it makes you incredibly sad. Out of no where this morning, I read a guest post and broke down into tears. Not because of the post, but because of the person. Then there is the issue of "I used to be able to write like that" "I had followers like him/her" - but that drive is gone. The mind is blank and when I write it really doesn't have the impact it used to. It's almost as if my passion is gone.   And I ask myself, is my light finally going out? Is that spark that I used to have completely gone?

I just hope that if you read my blog, you don't find it an incredible waste of time :( I'm hoping someday to get back into the swing of writing shit worth reading. I'm not sure if I'll continue anymore. Over 14,000 people have been here since January, 2011 - and only 6 people read - what does that tell you? Worthless waste of time. I really HATE that phrase, but lately - that's what I've been feeling like.

I want things to go back to the way they were when Searching for A New Tomorrow was up and running. I would constantly be thinking of ideas to write about and excited about it - I would get comments all through out the day - interesting conversations would spark, I had a great group of people who followed me - now it feels so empty - those people are gone along with my ambition and drive.

Who knows what will happen next. Where I will wind up and who will be along for the ride. Or maybe I'll just stop all together. Force myself not to read blogs anymore and forget I even got involved in the on-line community. It's not somewhere I belong anyway.

Peace.

10 Ways to Be a Good Husband - From a Different Point of View

2011-08-30T07:43:00.000-07:00

How do I love thee......let me count the ways..........

1. I've slapped you and hurt you - the last time being 3 years ago. I think it's ok to threaten to slap you all the time to keep you in line.

2. I call you terrible names and I make you feel crazy. I make you question your sanity.

3.    I wake up on Sunday mornings and I'm a dick, just to be an asshole. Then when I get the fight started, I tell you that you have issues and everything is all your fault.

4.    I can watch and cause you sob and break down in tears. This doesn't bother me - not even a little bit. Sometimes, I even mimic you.

5.    I wait until your all excited to go out with your friends, then I start a big fight with you and call you a million times just to be sure you don't forget I am here waiting.

6.    I get home from work before you and I take a nap. I wait for you to walk in the door and tell you I'm hungry. I love it when you ask me what do I feel like eating because I get to say "don't ask me what's for dinner."

7.    I get to stay home and let you attend family functions alone. I get to make you think I'm coming all the way up to the event, make you late for it, and then give an excuse of why I'm not going.

8.    I get to control my own paycheck and spend my money on whatever I want, and when you ask me for money to pay the bills, I give you such a hard time, you try and handle everything on your own.

9.    I get to tell you how to raise your girls, and remind you of how you are failing. And I get joy from it.

10. And last but not least - I get to drink my face off, insult you while I'm drunk - call you horrible names - get physically aggressive - scare you into thinking I'm going to hurt you until you shut up and go to bed crying. Then I will not remember it in the morning, so it really didn't happen in my world.

And these are all the things I do to be a good husband. I believe that I deserve better, but I'll settle for her - because she is easy to control, she is afraid of me, she gets me what I need and want. I never have to do anything for myself. Hell, I even get hot coffee brought to my bedside every morning. I'm a lucky guy because I am in love with myself and not so much her. Sure she's the mother of my children I'm obligated, but don't worry, I know how to keep her in line. I know how to tie her down and make her be the good little woman she should be.

Life is Good.........

http://www.womenagainstabuse.org/

Travels and Tribulations

2011-08-12T08:34:00.000-07:00

So what's been going on in the Wayward World of Scarlett ?? Well let's see, it's been a really busy week :) Let's start with my trip to NY !

Fabulous - I won a whole $16.00 at the track and played with $20 all day :) I spent the day with a great friend, who I've missed. She rocks the earth. Not only is she an excellent baker but she's very crafty too - hats for all the ladies (click to see). I'm very lucky to call her "friend." I don't have that many friends in life, but she is one I know I'll have forever. I took a very special friend with me and made some memories I'll never ever forget as long as I breathe. I found out what is was like to smile consistently for 2 days. Received a beautiful, and I mean beautiful - ruby and diamond bracelet. It has now become one of my favorite pieces. I've had a few conversations that will stick with me forever.

I made new friends, learned that some forms are Karaoke are worse than torture and should replace water boarding. I've learned of places that only sell meat and meat related items actually exist - I ate at one of them Saturday night. I finally got to meet Frank - and yup he's exactly what I pictured he'd be like, but he's really funny - I didn't imagine that, he always looks so serious. He was so quiet, but I found that when Frank had something to say, it usually cracked me up ! I think he and Ella are the best couple, they seriously compliment each other in many different ways. You need to spend time with them and see for yourself :) Quite an interesting pair the two of them are. But what I learned mostly, is that there is someone in this world that truly loves me for me. Someone who paid attention and when I wasn't smiling said something to make me laugh. Someone who was agreeable to doing anything I wanted to do, because it was "my" weekend with Ella. Someone who whipped out the wallet for gas, coffee, food, snacks - you name it. Even after my protesting :) And I must say, it was the most fun I've had since Vegas. It was to put it mildly a PERFECT 24 hours.

Next up - a STRIKE ! Yes the 45,000 people strong Verizon strike is effecting my life, my mood, and my bank account greatly. Don't let anyone fool you people, it's about Corporate Greed, not employee greed. Verizon stooped pretty low yesterday when the paid for an advertisement on the radio which stated all of the technician's and office worker's salaries, but yet they didn't state what their profit earnings were last year - ummmm, odd don't you think. Let's buy some really expensive air time to trash our employees. Was that smart? Verizon is trying to squash the middle class by taking away benefits that are EARNED ! When someone risks their life everyday installing FIOS and fixing phones in the deadliest of neighborhoods so you can bill these people monthly and make your profits, you really shouldn't balk at their health care costs. And do you realize what making employees pay 12% of their earnings into their pensions is going to do to their paychecks. Yeah, sorry but pension benefits don't buy groceries if your not retired. And most of the middle class working for the corporate giants live paycheck to paycheck. So you know what FUCK Verizon ! I support the Union ! DON'T TOUCH MY FAMILY'S BENEFITS !

Well, at least my work week went fast. That's my peace and that's all I have to say for today.

Peace out kids ! Enjoy the weekend :)

What's the Matter With Our Youth?

2011-08-05T09:12:00.000-07:00

All the rage in Philadelphia.....Flash Mobs. I'm going to get descriptive here, but I would like to make a disclaimer here. I am NOT being a racist...I'm just telling it as I see it.

Last year, it started with this mayhem

The mob took over South Street that warm Saturday night, the first of spring, as though popping up from nowhere, witnesses said. It seemed to be following the patterns of three similar mobs that had quickly assembled in Center City on March 3, Feb. 16, and Dec. 18."They had smiles on their faces as they scared people at random," Assistant District Attorney Angel Flores said in an interview with The Inquirer a week after the March 20 attacks. "They thought that assaulting others was a form of enjoyment."

These mobs consist of African American Teenagers and the victims - white adults. One of the victims, a woman tells a story that is just horrifying:

Taylor, who is separated and lives in Chalfont with a son, 9, and a daughter, 3, said she has thought a great deal about the punch - "the shock," "the blinding pain," and "the heartbreak that a teenager hit me in the face for no reason."The blow that Taylor absorbed was so powerful that she lost a front tooth and its root, and the roots of nearby teeth still may die, her dentist told her. The punch also split her upper lip so severely that much of it was hanging from her face and she was unable to speak, Taylor said.Taylor's mother, Peggy, a Germantown social worker, said her daughter needed so many stitches inside and outside her mouth at Hahnemann University Hospital after the assault that "we just couldn't count them."

This was only one example. The last happened just last week:

I have worked in Center City for over a decade and I've never been afraid to walk the streets. Not even leaving the office at 2 in the morning. It's becoming quite a different story at this point. See I am a white female. And as it seems from the story above, I would not be immune to a teenage boy punching me in the mouth or kicking me in the head - while laughing about it. And see, it wouldn't matter that I was white and was attacked by a gang of black teenagers, it's just a Flash Mob. However, ask yourself - if it were a gang of white teenagers attacking black adults, women included, we'd have ourselves an uprising, a race riot, hate crimes, etc......

When is this city going to recognize this issue for what it really is....black youth attacking white professionals. God that sounds so horrible when I put it like that, but that is what you find in Center City. Mostly office professionals making their way around town - Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, etc....So tell me out of all the people who work and live here....is it random that the victims are white? I think not. I'm apparently not alone in my view. Click here......... It aggravates me so much - call it what it is - WHITE PEOPLE WORKING AND LIVING IN CENTER CITY PHILADELPHIA ARE TARGETS !

And what is the matter with parents these days ? One of the youngest members of this most recent Flash Mob is 11 years old. 11 !!! Running around the streets of center city after 9:00 !!!! WTF??? My own son is 10 and I would never allow him to roam the city streets alone, especially after dark.

What started me on this rant was the news this morning. When a woman (not sure if she's even a parent involved in this mess) stated that the Black Youth of Philadelphia are angry because of the lack of education they receive??? Really is that the reason why they are acting out like animals. If you look at the statistics, most of the private charter schools here in Philadelphia are predominantly black attended. THEY ARE GETTING AN EDUCATION, a my expense, the tax payer. If you child does not take advantage of that education and you can't keep your kid in school, where does the problem lie ? And can you please tell me what kind of example we are setting when someone like this woman makes such ridiculous excuses for violent acts of madness ? Yeah, let's blame it all on education, because your parenting skills have absolutely nothing to do with it. Oh I wish I could find the video of her screaming and ranting. Made me sick.

I personally think we should start holding some parents responsible. Easy....if your kid is caught participating in a Flash Mob - you go to jail.....now don't you think that might make some parents think about paying more attention to what their kids are doing, where they are at, and who they are doing it with ? And let's bring up the real fact here - ask the question - are the kids being taught to hate ? In this day and age with some many different cultures living side by side, you'd think that the issue of blacks and whites and violence would have faded into history by now.

So to the City of Philadelphia - do something, make it harsh, and do it now ! I personally don't want me teeth knocked down my throat on my way to happy hour simply because I'm white and walking down the street.

That's my peace and I'm out.

The Last Few Weeks of Year 37

2011-07-14T14:07:00.000-07:00

As I near my 38th year on this planet, I can't help but reflecting on my year and wondering what could I have done differently ?   Should I have changed jobs? Probably not.   Should I have filed for divorce ? Most likely.   Should I have sent that email to my old friend and started this new relationship ? Most definitely. Am I satisfied with the volunteer work I've done ? Most definitely.   Am I moving forward in my life instead of backwards ? Nope. Have I achieved all the goals I set for myself last summer ? Definitely not.

See this is why I hate my birthday. It's all about expectations.   I've even tried lowering my expectations after the whole "I brought myself an Entemann's coffee cake as a birthday cake because my idiot spouse was too busy to get me a cake." And it still hasn't worked. I still dread my birthday because it makes me remember all the promises I made to myself and didn't follow through with throughout the year. Not to mention the fact, I'm getting older, gray, wrinkly, and I just can't do thinks like cartwheels, riding 20 roller coasters in one day, drinking all night and getting up for work the next day, ya know fun shit. However, I am still in shape enough to knock over my heavy bag with a round house kick, take my bike on 25 mile trips, and have sex like a wild animal when the mood strikes. So I guess I'm not THAT old and decrepit.

In previous years, I have told people "I'm not celebrating this year" and "don't get me a gift because I hate my birthday" - but some people (you know who you are) do not listen. So I'm not going to waste my breath in this last 2 weeks of being 37.

The one thing that does peeve me after all, is that none of my "girls" have asked if I wanted to go out this year. Every year I usually get a call "what do you want to do for your birthday" ? Last year - Cute Ella came down and we hung out at the pool all day, went and got tattoos, and hit the bar. It was a low key night, not the usual because many couldn't make it, but still a blast. So this year, I have decided for my birthday to fore go another tattoo and spend my money on a trip to Albany to see Ella, Frank, and their new place. I'm going the weekend after and Ella is taking me to the track for a day of fun ! I'm bringing a friend that I hardly ever get to spend enough time with and I just can't wait to get out of town. I'm going to forget my troubles for the trip and just relax and spend time with really good friends. I was so happy when Ella messaged me and asked me what I was doing for my birthday ! I was kinda getting depressed and feeling old - no one asked me to go out drinking to celebrate the day I made my debut in this world. It was kinda sad - until that message :) Now I feel all kinds of special.

So how about you? Do you celebrate your birthday or do you all kinds of hate on it ? I'm so the birthday Scrooge - however this year - I'm going to run the streets of New York screaming Happy Birthday to Me ! Kinda the way Scrooge did when he wished everyone a Merry Christmas on Christmas morning :)

Peace out kids - Enjoy your Thursday.

Softball and I

2011-07-07T09:55:00.000-07:00

So last night, in order to not commit murder I decided to get out of the house and go watch my sister play some playoff Softball - yup they won - and now I'm ordered to return on Monday, wearing the same clothes and sit in the same seat. I am to bring my son who came with me and he is to wear the same clothes and sit in the same seat :) Little superstious don't you think ? Made me crack up. I'll oblige though, just to humor her.

And it got me to thinking just how different siblings can be. My sister - has played ball since college - not that she's old, but she's getting up there and has been playing since forever. She's a former volley ball coach and player, etc .... Me ......I'm kept away from any sport involving a bat and running. Which I really can't fathom because I totally love baseball. I'm told I'm "not atheltically inclined." And since I almost always get hurt when I attempt to play any sport - contact or not - I would have to agree.

Way back in the day, my pappy thought it would be a wonderful idea for me to join the neighborhood Boys and Girls Club and play softball. Cool, right ! I got a uniform, was on a team named The Saints (how ironic) and was all ready to go, when I and all the other girls around me, noticed I can't play. So I was stuck out in left field and constantly striking out swinging was pretty much the make up of my season. Until the last day - the day before they picked the players for the Allstar team. I was having an innocent catch with a girl from the opposing team, waiting for our teams to show up. The little ones where playing t-ball not that far away and all I could think was "awwwwwww" and couldn't stop watching. As I turned my head to see what my friend was doing, she threw the ball and hit me square in the eye. Ouch ! So instantly the eye began to bruise and swell and I was upset. Coach grabs me a cherry water ice to make me feel better - which I proceed to spill down the front of my cute uniform :( Embarassed !!!! This day is not getting any better. I rode the bench most of the innings, until - (insert da da da dumb) for some reason, the coach said I was up.

I stroll to the plate, big ass swollen black eye - cherry stain all down the front of my uniform - the pitch - I close my eyes and swing and WHAM ! I actually hit it and the pitcher ! The ball slammed her in the knee, dropping her, and I made it to first and drove in the winning run ! My first and last hit EVER ! I was given the game ball and to my horror - named to the Allstar Team. Getting my name in the paper was fun - but really the ALLSTAR team (still shaking my head 25 years later) - thank god I was a bench player that day !

I never again attempted softball or any other sport that involved me running, hitting, or throwing objects. To this day, the only thing I can do that remotely resembles a sport is bowl and ice skate ! I guess it's too late to learn how to play hockey.

But then again, I think it maybe skipped a generation - I just simply sacraficed my talent so my children would be good at sports - soccer and baseball - all three of them excelled at it. So there, I'm not an athletic retard - I sacraficed my skills for the good of the next generation.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Peace out kids ! Enjoy your thirsty Thursday.

THE FIRST 6 MONTHS - SUCKED !

2011-06-28T06:22:00.000-07:00

So as we get through half of the year officially, I have decided that it's been so full of ups and downs, I can't determine if it's been bad, terrible, or downright horrid.

So I'm thinking - and going through it all over and over and over again. Do you know what it's like having your mind clutter with so much drama and confusion - It's enough to make you puke (literally).

This first half of the year:

The Cons

January, 2011 -

I've lost a few friends. Do I still call them friends ? I don't think I can or should. One in particular still bothers me. It's ironic, because of my fear of losing people I am close to - I lost this person for trying to be too close. I pushed too hard to stay in touch. My Irish temper came through and even I apologized more than once, it didn't matter, the damage was done. I had wrecked another friendship that I treasured. Sometimes I swear I do it on purpose but I'm not even aware I'm doing it. See how confusing that can be ! I don't think I'll ever fully get over it, I let down my guard, and got slammed by my doing. No damage control possible on that one. Completely destroyed.

March, 2011

I left my position with my firm for a little more money. This is a con because my new job sucks ass so bad that it makes me miserable every day I have to be there. Granted it's gotten a little better, but not enough to make me want to stay. After about 3 months, my old company called me and asked me to come back in and meet a new partner for a possible position - I did, I was excited - it didn't work out. Bummer, real bummer. Back to the drawing board of competing with young kids just out of school who will work for significantly less money and experience just doesn't seem to mean shit these days.

April 2011

My financial situation, although probably not the worst you've ever heard of sucks ! And to make matters worse, I have a spouse who opened his own bank account and barely gives me enough money to contribute to just a bit of our monthly expenses. When I do take money for bills, I get accused of stealing from him and spending all of our cash. Never mind the 10-15 ATM withdrawals of $60.00 or more in a week. I don't have a card to this account, so it's not me taking the money. So here I am, trying to pay the mortgage and all the utility bills on my own, not to mention the other things like student loans, cell phone, gas for my car, parking card, etc.........and he bitches when I use some of his money to food shop.

June, 2011
My daughter's relationship is falling apart and she wants to come home with her son for a few months. I have no issues with this, however the monster I am married to decided last night she should "stay home and work it out." Making this statement, without having any clue what she is going through at home. I remember when my mother told me to "go home and work it out" - she didn't know at the time that it was the first of many times my husband would hit me. Had she of known, had I have told her, my life would most likely be very very different today. I will not do this to my child. We had a war, I won - so why do I feel so defeated ?

STAY TUNED FOR THE PROS (yes there are some).....COMING AT YOU WHEN I'M IN A MUCH BETTER MOOD

But I just wanted to ask....Does this seem like a lot ? Am I being to sensitive and not taking my lumps as they come ? Am I crazy to think that if one more thing happens I'm going to crack and completely lose it ? Or am I completely sane, and it's a lot to handle ?

Please let me know if its time to pull my big girl panties up or should I call the doc and get back on the Prozac?

Milestones

2011-06-14T06:03:00.000-07:00

Throughout my life, I've encountered many milestones. I've graduated from high school, went to college, got married, had 3 babies, got promoted, etc, etc.... Then my children started having them. And by default they are mine too. I've already have one daughter who got her diploma and gave me a grand baby and is about to get married. Now my other daughter, is taking the step into adulthood by graduating this week. And I realized, my girls are grown and I've done ok. Neither of them went to jail, nor are they drug addicts or alcoholics. My oldest is an amazing mother to her son, my youngest on her way to nursing school.

So I ask myself, in 8 years when it's my son's turn - what the hell am I going to do ???? For 22 years I've been taking care of kids. Wiping snotty noses, fixing boo-boos, playing Barbies and cars, attending and crying at commencements, leaving my child in her college dorm while I went home, (my poor father who came along for the drive, I was inconsolable). I'm feeling a bit out of sorts again.

Although I am not "losing" my kid, I feel like she's slipping away just a little bit. Like any minute she is going to move out, like my oldest daughter did. I want her to stay home, finish school, live stress free. I want her to get a little part time job she loves and save some money. Then I want her to branch out on her own and find her way. What's the rush right ?? Bad news is steady serious boyfriend is looking for an apartment.....need I say more.

Sigh ! Sometimes being a parent is a rocky rough road, one that's worth it, but nonetheless can be painful. So as of Friday, I will have two kids out of school - as I keep saying 2 Down 1 To Go - but I really want to scream - SLOW DOWN AND STOP GROWING UP !

Peace out kids.....Enjoy your Tuesday.

Privacy ? What's That?

2011-06-10T08:31:00.000-07:00

In today's day and age of technology - it's a wonder why we still have things such as "WeinerGate" and teachers getting fired for blogging about students, DMV workers getting canned for complaining about customers (you ever been to the DMV?), waitress fired for complaining about tips on Facebook. You would think that people would learn - however, I haven't learned :) I'm still posting how I'd like to poke people in the eyes with pencils at my place of employment. I work for lawyers, I could spend my whole day tweeting, Facebooking, and blogging about why they should all be shark bait :) And am I lying ? Nope !

What gets me the most is when people create Facebook groups for really horrible things. My point - The Casey Anthony Trial.   All these people posting their opinions about a little girl they've never met before. That's fine if your interested - I, in fact am following the trial. But following the trial and following a bunch of slack jawed jackwagons on a Facebook page is beyond pitiful. People, no one cares !   Watch the trial for your facts !

Another thing that annoys the shit out of me is when people put their most private moments on Facebook - such as "16 years of my life are over, he is gone, what am I going to do" or "why does everyone hate me?" or even worse "I wish I wasn't here anymore" - Well, then go the fuck away.   People do such things just for attention. We will call them Attention Whores.   Have you noticed how many people will comment with sappy advise ? Really, would half of these people piss on you if you were on fire, would they take you in if you had no where to go? No - I didnt' think so - So why in the hell do you care what their opinion about your current situation is ?    Why don't you save the wallowing in self pity for people who actually cares about you.

And another thing, Pregnancy and Deaths are not the type of thing you announce on Facebook or Twitter without telling your family first. Anyone who does that to me - is being cut off.   Imagine finding out your daughter, granddaughter, niece, or otherwise is pregnant and you found out with 1 billion other people. Fuck that !

I apparently have a great deal to learn about what makes people put their entire lives out there ! Blogs are different - it's anonymous if you want it to be - let's face it - do you really think my real name is Scarlett ?

So the bottom line is ....... I don't care when your kid poops, if your husband is cheating, if your kid fell in the mud, if your on the toilet and sick as a dog. I don't want to know when you are showering or what time you are going to bed. I certainly don't want to see partial nude photos of you and your new husband that you had taken as a wedding gift ! Really?Even though your boobs are pressed up against his chest - your still naked and you made it your facebook profile pic !! Unreal. And I really don't want to look at your sappy status and weepy cries for attention. Grow up Social Networking World and try to keep somethings private !

Peace out kids and as a good friend would say "FIF" (Fuck it's Friday)

Every Woman Should Hear This Once a Day

2011-06-09T08:22:00.000-07:00

I don't usually take much stock when a man pays me a compliment, because let's face it - men are dogs and most likely just trying to get in your pants.........but when a man says this to you just for no reason at all.....yeah well.........

You are so beautiful that it should be illegal for you to walk down the street. You could cause an accident. Your smile could melt the coldest heart. Your ass could make a 110 year old man get a woody.

Yup Boys - Flattery Goes A Long Long Way !

Enjoy your Thirsty Thursday - Peace.

What's On My Mind

2011-06-03T08:57:00.000-07:00

Recently, I've been confused .... A LOT .......   I think the worst part of human nature is that we over analyze everything ! Nothing can just be simple. At least not for me.   Ever since I was 14 I have chosen to do things the hard way.   It doesn't make sense really.   My outside exterior gives the impression of someone who is in control, knows what she wants and goes after it. (And I know this because I was recently asked - "how come you can't be this way in your home life.") My inside exterior is that of a 9 year old girl whose is afraid of everything (and that's why). Never in control and terrified of what comes next.   I believe this is the reason why most people don't get me.   I put up a good front, but deep down inside - I'm just a freaked out little girl who is always waiting for the worst.

Was I always like this you ask ???? Nope, not at all. Once I was in charge - not afraid to make it on my own - not afraid to make decisions that changed my life. I would kick a guy to the curb simply because he was a getting too close, or maybe did something I didn't approve of. There was no sniveling little woman accepted every lame little apology with no meaning. There was simply the woman that walked away and moved on.   This woman has some how ran away, and I would really like her to come home. I miss her tremendously.

I'm starting to realize how tired I am of the bullshit.   I'm also starting to realize that I didn't know what it was like to be treated properly. Somewhere along the line I've come to realize - that I'm not supposed to "put up with life" - that life is supposed to be enjoyable - most of the time. Not miserable and always wondering what I did most of the time and enjoyable a small percentage of that time period. I've became used to being told to shut up, being told I don't listen and therefore can't be taught. I've often wondered how someone that I'm smarter than can teach me anything?   I'm tired of being told I deserve a slap. I'm tired of being told I'm crazy. Because if I am crazy - I was made that way. I'm tired of always second guessing myself and changing my decisions because I'm afraid of the fall out. I'm tired of waiting for that other shoe to drop.

I'm starting to wonder more and more - why was that said to me ? Case in point - a conversation had with my spouse last night while he was making BLTs - and believe me - him making dinner - total shock ! I'm used to hearing "don't ask me what's for dinner."

Me:    Here's the tomatoes you wanted.

Him:   Thanks, do you want any on your sandwich.

Me:    You know I don't like tomatoes.

Him:   You should have some, you don't eat right because your an asshole.

Now, here's my observation.   I would have been touched and felt loved had he stopped at you don't eat right. I would have felt like "awww, he does care."   But then, I got called an asshole (WTF). For what - because I don't eat right. Of course I don't eat right - I'm a mother of three, Mom-Mom to one, wife to a demanding jerk, full time employee, baseball and boy scout Mom, crisis hot line volunteer, and very busy - these activities take up most of my week, I'm lucky if I remember to eat.   Then I think - there is one person - who would have put that differently. Hell, he might have run to Wawa and brought me a V8 Splash or Fusion because let's face it - it's the only time I get veggies these days. And I wouldn't have been called an asshole, but most likely told I was beautiful and needed veggies to stay that way. Or something along those lines.

So I took my BL sandwich, my heavy heart, and lump that had formed in my throat while trying to hold back my tears and I quietly sat by myself and ate my dinner, wondering why he thinks I'm an asshole.

I need help - big time help. I have somewhat of a plan - now I have to put it in motion. In the meantime, I'm taking as much happy as I can get my hands on - and trying to find the time to enjoy more.

And with the heavy heart - I begin another journey into figuring out who I really am, what I really want, and try to learn how not to settle for less than I'm told I deserve by the people who truly love me.

I've written this post because although I don't have many commentors I get a about 100 hits a day here - if you going through what I'm going through and you haven't been beaten down to the point of mental illness like I have - GET OUT NOW ! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE ! He's not going to change - it took me twenty years to learn that. Don't make the same mistake as me.

Peace out and remember - Words sometimes hit harder than a fist.

P.S. Have a Sexy Friday !

What Would An Expert Say ..... Internet Diagnosis

2011-05-18T13:00:00.000-07:00

So today at lunch I had a conversation with My Friend with regard to the capacity to be an alcoholic.   Short Story - my son and learned behaviors.

I won't sugar coat it - I come from an abusive relationship which involves massive amounts of beer and booze. Not me, my significant other - the person I married.   This problem came to light when we moved away. See (and no offense) but when people who live in a small redneck town surrounded by nothing but a mountain and in your early twenties - it's most likely a recipe for alcoholism, well that and genetics. Boredom if you ask me is the perfect reason to tie on a load.   At that he did - all the time.

I remember after we had settled in, my husband had mentioned that everyone at work is an alcoholic - This guy goes out every night to the bar, this guy sits in his back yard and get drunk while practicing shooting at squirrels with a bb-gun, and lo and behold his partner - kept a bottle of JD under the seat of his company truck. I believe this is where the downfall began - I wish I could say it ended there, but it did not - it is still with us.    Jack Daniels followed us home to Jersey and wrecked my nice little life.

But this isn't about me - it's about my son. I try so hard to keep his life stable and happy, I know I'm not perfect but I believe he is a pretty well adjusted kid. What was brought to my attention is what he sees and will he believe it's acceptable. Is it acceptable to sit around every single night - doesn't matter if it's Tues night or Sunday - and drink 8-10 beers while sipping from the bottle you have hidden somewhere in the house ? Ummmm, no right ! So how do I teach this boy of mine that even though Dad does it, doesn't mean it's right. So I looked up some statistics - I love statitics - I've been one many a time.

Parental alcoholism also has severe effects on normal children of alcoholics. Many of these children have common symptoms such as low self-esteem, loneliness, guilt, feelings of helplessness, fears of abandonment, and chronic depression (Berger, 1993). Children of alcoholics (COAs) may feel responsible for the problems of the alcoholic and may think they created the problem...........(http://allpsych.com/journal/alcoholism.html)

I have to say that this is not true for my boy - he is very outgoing, thinks highly of himself, never fears abadonment, is not depressed, excels at school and sports, and is pretty well rounded......Then I read this:

Today, experts who study alcoholic families know that family and marital problems often start because of alcoholism, but they also learned that spouses and children may contribute to the drinker’s habit and make it worse. Some of the families allow heavy drinking to continue rather than deal with serious family problems, and keep the habit going in exchange for keeping the family together. Denial is an essential problem for alcoholics and family members. Family members use denial to rationalize the drinker’s alcohol dependency. In the beginning, denial is understandable because every family loves and wants to protect its members, but there comes a time when denial negatively affects family members. When family members deny the obvious and refuse to look for help, their behavior can trigger multiple emotional problems in the children of the family. (http://allpsych.com/journal/alcoholism.html)

Yup, it's me - I am the problem - Now in my own defense I have looked for help and I'm still looking. So now I ask myself Am I CoDependent ?

Questions & Answers: True or False

Without even realizing that it is happening, I find myself focusing on others' needs, even at my own expense.
When it is my turn to receive help from others I usually decline, as I am uneasy when others focus their attention on me.
I have many times taken pride in the fact that I am a "helper" with others, and I can easily postpone or deny my own needs.
I feel the best about myself when I am giving advice and/or handling a crisis situation.
Many times I have waited for others to take care of me in return, only to discover that it is never my turn.
Sometimes I am so focused on one person that I can only think about that person and how to help them.
I take good care of my friends. Most people like me because of what I can do for them.

If you answered true to most of the above questions, you may be codependent. To be codependent is to be skilled in the art of taking care of other people rather than of yourself

So Am I CoDependant - the answer is a resounding YES - (No. 5 - breaks my heart) what am I gonna do about it - I have no clue :( I might try Al-Anon next.

Peace out - try not to be a co-dependant person - in reality - it really sucks. Or better yet - go smoke a joint - it mellows you out and I've never been roughed up by someone who just smoked a blunt. I know, I know - bad advice.

A Borrowed Poem

2011-05-16T09:33:00.000-07:00

I came across this poem and it sort of sums it all up.

I CAN'T - BY: HANNAH

He comes in that day and you feel your stomach ache.

You shudder and he shames and you wonder what you say.

You know you must say something, but the words do not come.

You been there before, and it’s never undone.

You sit at the table with your children in tow

One glass of juice or a noodle does fall.
The yelling begins, and the tantrums our show
Words not from him are mentioned to solve

You can’t say anything to make the hurt go away.
Silence does happen, but you don’t want to stay.

Your children are hurting, and he still isn’t nice.

You wait for that moment to calm and make nice.

Dinner is done and the dishes put away
Your start the next shift, and go on with your day.
You get the kids settled, and you find your little safe spot.
Inching and wondering, Why is your world so shot?

Then he comes down to greet you with a smile on his face.
He acts like nothing has happened with no shame or disgrace
You sit there wondering what message did you send?
I don’t want you here and I shouldn’t have to bend.

He stands there wanting the distance to be gone
He pushes closer and closer and you just can’t respond.
What do you do? What do you say?
He pushes and pushes and never goes away.

You can’t force closeness to the one you’ve lost
You can’t pressure trust when we never know how you will respond.
You can’t intimidate into intimacy with someone you say you love
You can’t have it both ways and think you have won.

Days later problems happen and you just want to hide
You don’t want to talk because it is never very nice.
You wait for the crowning moment nice and relaxed,
You really need to speak to you him and you can’t hold back.

It starts is real slow and you try to keep pace,

But the explosion soon starts right in your face.

Nothing is nice!
Nothing is fair!
It’s all your fault and he makes that perfectly clear.
He refuses to help fix or even be kind
He treats you like the enemy and your forced to resign.

As you slowly retreat you have strong feelings of doom.
How could this happen did I talk to soon?
Did I say it wrong, or have a look on my face
I don’t understand why I’m such a disgrace.

You find a safe place to work on the game plan.
You fix that problem and never with him.
You handle the issue – at least parts that you can.
You look over what happened, and you remain mad.

Evening soon comes and you retreat to your bed.
He comes in and comes over and you just want to gag.

He kisses your face and then strokes your back.
You want to get up and leave and then you’re pulled back.

You can’t force closeness to the one you have lost
You can’t pressure trust when you can not resolve.
You can’t intimidate into intimacy with someone you love
You can’t have it both ways and think you have won.

After years of belittling and verbal attacks
You find it hard to get your self esteem back.
You search for the answer and fix you still need.
Until you have realized that you really need to flee.

Nothing will change
Nothing will be good
Nothing will happen until you are gone.
You live in denial with all you have left
Then finally hear the “snap” of that old camel’s back.

You fear the reactions of family and friends
Will they take your side or try to befriend him.
They will think you the wimp
Will you lose their respect
For trying to keep peace for so long
And for finally stopping to fight back.

You work to improve yourself
To change your way of thinking
You fight the doubts without even blinking
You sit and worry if you have really done it.
Or if he is right and you will really plummet.

What will he say?
How will he react?
Will in be nice or some sort of attack.

You hear the sad story of how sorry he is
He has seen the errors of his ways
And now the change can begin.
You hesitate a little and wonder what is right
That hesitation now starts a new kind of fight.

Always Remember when the new this assault on your back:

You can’t force closeness to the one you have lost
You can’t pressure trust when we never know how you will respond.
You can’t intimidate into intimacy with someone you loved
You can’t have it both ways and think you have won.

Keep saying:

You can’t force closeness to the one you have lost
You can’t pressure trust when you can not resolve.
You can’t intimidate into intimacy with someone you love
You can’t have it both ways and think you have won.

A Pity Post - Because I Need To Get It Out

2011-05-12T08:31:00.000-07:00

So today I come to you with a heavy heart.   Have you ever come to the realization that someone hardly ever has your back.   And even harder one even still, have you ever realized that this same person doesn't even have the back of his own child?   I used to think it was me.    I would be asked....what's wrong?   When I'm done my story, this person I'm telling, well he takes the side of the person who upset me. All the time.   I, just once, would like to hear - "She's an asshole, I hate her too" or "Don't cry, because it's not you, it's them." But I've never gotten it.   When I talk about what's bothering me, I always wind up more upset than before. So what's the point.

I've come to the realization this morning that my daughter feels that way about her father. Standing in our kitchen this morning, she is visibly upset - he asks "what's wrong" - she doesn't want to talk about it. I ask "what's wrong" not two seconds later and she spills it.   Well of course, father of the year, gets bent out of shape, and loudly states "I just asked her and she said nothing, you ask her and she tells." Ok, not only was that an inappropriate time to make a statement (she had just finished her story and was in tears) but then he follows up it with "well maybe you shouldn't have acted like a punk."   Off to school she goes upset and feeling bad.

As Jim would say "The Irish Came Out" in me and I lost it.   I remind this dickhead that the little girl he constantly upsets used to be his world.   Would it have killed him to just keep his mouth shut if he didn't agree on her course of action in the situation that has her so upset?   Would it have killed him to simply say "don't worry it will blow over" ?   NOPE ! It wouldn't have.   As I was trying to remind him that you are supposed to back up the people you love when they are hurt, he constantly tells me to "shut my mouth" ! So, what do I do, I yell even louder. This does not make for a pleasant morning for my son, who is quietly at the dining room table trying to finish up his homework.

As I'm getting in the car, I'm told to "get that sour look off my face" this is said with a smile. And I wonder, am I married to a crazy man who really doesn't understand that he is evil and mean. That his actions are ruining his relationship with his daughter. That is risking the chance that when she leaves the homestead, she might not ever want to talk to him again? I've already had one child have to "overcome" her relationship with her father in order to forgive him for the things he's said and done.

I've spent my whole marriage, trying to work on it, make it stronger, make us a strong family that no one could destroy - but what do you do when one person in the unit is constantly breaking down the other members. What is going to happen when my kids say "You stayed for us ? Your a fucking idiot?" And why did it take me this long to realize that my daughters are growing up to hate their father and I am growing to hate the way he treats his girls. It feels like the praise and adoration is few and far between and the insults and threats are happening more and more.

I'm crushed. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I have no idea how I am going to overcome my own mental difficulties and do the right thing for my son. I can't figure out what the right thing is and it's ripping me apart.

ZOMBIE APPRECIATION MONTH !

2011-05-09T09:29:00.000-07:00

So May is Zombie Appreciation Month ! And who loves a zombie more than me ?   NO ONE !

I zombie dream all the time ! And love it ! The scarier the better !   So in honor of this occaision and in preparation for the Zombie Apocolypse - I bring you a review of my favorites !

1st - The Best - (it is a remake)
DAWN OF THE DEAD !

Features Sarah Polley and Ving Rhames who battle flesh-eating zombies that have taken over the Earth. After hiding at a mall with other survivors, the stars attempt to escape to what they think is a zombie-free island.   This is the one were they are stuck in the mall.   The original scared me as a kid - but hell - I didn't know what scary was until technology caught up with horror movies.

#2
28 DAYS LATER

Features: Cillian Murphy, Naomie Harris, Brendan Gleeson, Megan Burns, and Christopher Eccleston. The plot depicts the breakdown of society following the accidental release of a highly contagious "rage" virus and focuses upon the struggle of four survivors to cope with the ruination of the life they once knew.

Best two zombie movies EVER ! The next isn't a movie - but a series

THE WALKING DEAD

The Walking Dead tells the story of the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse; it follows a small group of survivors, traveling across the desolate United States in search of a new home away from the shuffling hordes of the undead. The group is led by Rick Grimes, who was a sheriff's deputy in a small Georgia town, before the zombie outbreak. As their situation grows more hazardous, the group's desperation to survive pushes them to the brink of insanity. At every turn they are faced with the unbearable horrors that come from having the dead walk again, as well as facing hostility from the scattered remains of a struggling human populace who are focused on their own survival, now that the structures of society have collapsed. (courtesy of Wiki)

And Last but not least: The Spoof

ZOMBIELAND

Two months after a mutated strain of mad cow disease has turned most humans into zombies, college student "Columbus" (Jesse Eisenberg) is on his way to Columbus, Ohio to see if his parents are still alive. Columbus is a shut-in who has spent most of his life inside playing World of Warcraft. He loses his car in an accident and encounters "Tallahassee" (Woody Harrelson), who is on a quest to find the last Twinkies on Earth. They travel together and when they stop at a grocery store, they meet two sisters, "Wichita" (Emma Stone) and "Little Rock" (Abigail Breslin). The sisters con them into handing over their weapons and steal their vehicle. Later, the two men find another truck loaded with weapons, but when they meet the girls again, the girls attempt once more to steal their truck. Columbus proposes a truce and suggests they travel together. (courtesy of Wiki) THIS IS A CLASSIC !!!!!

All of the above movies, come highly recommended for some good Zombie fun. I don't recommend watching 28 Days Later while falling asleep, you'll dream about the infected - well unless your like me and dig that shit ! What I do not recommend is going back to the classics of the 60s, 70s, and 80s. We really didn't know shit about technology back then and the movies are quite cheesy and comical. Brains shouldn't look like jello - they should look like brains. Stick with the remaks folks - and pay attention - you never know when the Apocolypse will occur - you'll want to be prepared. Zombieland will help you out with that one.

Peace out kids - and my you continue the month of May as the living and not a walker :)

EVERY ONE LOVES AN IRISH GIRL

2011-04-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I was talking to my good friend and we were discussing pick ups in bars, buying a girl a drink and so on. I was so proud to admit that I am not a "Bar Whore." I've never left the bar drunk with a random guy and just decided "Hey I think I'll have drunken, non-memorable sex with this guy, that I don't know ! Something about that just doesn't sound like fun to me....Anyway - I love a good pick up line, I enjoy it just as much as the next girl. So today I'll share my classic "Dude, you suck at picking up chicks" story.....(for you long timers....skip it...it's what we call a "re-run."

I met a fireman named Bruce and the local watering hole. He saw the wedding ring, but just kept right on talking. His pick up line “your a real red-head aren’t you?” I truly am, if I'd stop dying it all different colors within reason :) When I answered yes, he asks me if I’m Irish….hhhmmmmmm, what gave it away dude, my freckles or my hair??? Or the fact that I am the whitest girl you’ll ever meet in your life. He proceeds to tell me how hard it is too meet a true Irish girl. Are you serious? Was I supposed to fall all over that? Who the hell wants to be with a true Irish girls – we have the tempers of bitches with PMS all the time, we are very possessive, and we can drink most men under the table. Not to mention that fact I could probably kick your ass in a fight.

He asks to buy me a drink, I turn him down – had too much already. Second shoot down….Does he stop, nope dumb ass continues……I get to hear the firemen stories……Third shoot down…….We discuss hair – he tells me he’s been battling cancer for 16 years, sad but…..Sorry dude, I'm not sleeping with you even for the "I'm dying story". Fourth shoot down…..Finally, the last line….get ready for this one…..”I have a pool in my basement.” Now this is a pick up line I have never heard before. I’ve heard the following: I have a water bed, I have a corvette, I have a hot tub, I have a deck on my roof, I have a fire pit, wanna come over…..but never in my life have I heard – I have a pool in my basement, and he throws his address in that conversation. Dude, was I supposed to go running out of the bar, stripping off my clothes, headed to your pool to skinny dip? Oh God Almighty.

So he starts to realize that I am not going to swim in his BASEMENT (who the fuck has a pool in their basement), he shakes my hand, yes I said shakes my hand and leaves. So, here I am thinking I’m off the hook, I get another beer and a shot – and 15 minutes later he comes back in with his business card with his cell phone number handwritten on it, hands it to me and tells me “Give me a call anytime.” He must have gone home to get the card and bring it back because he did leave for awhile. Jackass, I guess you still haven’t seen the wedding band or got the hint. Which one is it? If I was gonna cheat, your definitely were not my type.

I usually do not get hit on in this bar because it is my neighborhood bar where everyone knows me and the dick I married. We are such a small community that I was drinking with the vice principal of my kid’s school for Christ sake, I’m mean everybody knows everybody – not the type of bar you get into trouble in if you don’t want your husband finding out. Especially when the barmaid is a jealous bitch who wants your man, so she would love the opportunity to say “Oh, Guess who your wife left with Friday night.” I go to Philly to get into that kind of trouble. (He! He! insert...Evil Laugh).

Poor Fireman Bruce – you were a nice guy – just a little strange – you never had a chance. I like to skinny dip, just not in a stranger’s basement – ya’ll know what I mean !!!!! Just plain craziness. And as a follow up to that story, come to find out - Bruce wasn't even a fireman...he was an HVAC guy ! I can't dig a dude who isn't proud of what he does for a living.

So there you have it - Pools in your basement is not a good way to get a chick to go home with you. Just for future referenence. Happy Friday Kids ! Stay naughty - Stay nude - best advice you'll get all day.

It's All In The Pics

2011-04-27T14:03:00.000-07:00

Things I am really excited about:

Why I can't wait for October already:

An event I can't wait to attend:

Something I threw in the street last week:

Something I don't have:

A problem I'm trying to fix:"

Something I'm really looking forward to ;)

And (you know how I love my quizzes):

I'm proud to report, I'm not the weirdo - It's you guys !

You Are 36% Weirdo

You're a little weird, but you'd be even weirder if you didn't have a few quirks.
You are just strange enough to know it, but nobody else seems to notice your weirdness.
That's because, deep down, everyone is a little freaky!

Are You A Weirdo?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

A Movie and a Wake Up Call

2011-04-18T06:31:00.000-07:00

This morning I was watching military family reunions on a Veteran's site on facebook that I was tagged on. As I'm drinking my coffee with tears running down my face, I realized that I miss being little.

There is one part of the clip, were the little girl is sitting in class and her father walks in. When the shock of seeing him wears off, she begins to sob and runs into his arms. That's what you call witnessing true unconditional love. Take a look, you'll know exactly what clip I'm talking about. Grab your tissues and enjoy.

I'm so glad my father was out of the Marines before I was born. I don't believe I would have liked much having him so very far away in a dangerous country were most people want to kill him.

What I miss is that feeling. The feeling of being secure and loved. When you look at the little girl in the clip, you see how much she loves her Daddy. I still love my Daddy that way. I was one of the lucky ones to grow up happy, loved, safe and secure, protected - I wish that all children could have had my childhood. I wish all little girls could look at their fathers the way I do, with unconditional love and admiration. But the sad part of this story is that is not the case. Many girls fear their fathers, many girls hate their fathers, many girls do not feel safe with their fathers, many girls have fathers that have walked out of them, many have fathers who just flat out don't care. And worst of all, some have fathers that do this:

Father-daughter and stepfather-daughter incest is most commonly reported, with most of the remaining reports consisting of mother/stepmother-daughter/son incest. Prevalence of parental child sexual abuse is difficult to assess due to secrecy and privacy; some estimates show 20 million Americans have been victimized by parent incest as children. (Jeffrey Turner, 1996).

So can you see where I am going with this. I spent my rainy, windy, Saturday morning on a walk to raise awareness about sexual violence. After the awareness walk, we attended a "Speak Out" - listened to some very important people in politics and advocacy talk about the steps that need to be taken to bring this epidemic of the molestation of our children and teens to an END. Spend some time thinking about what you would do if it were your child, sister, brother, cousin, niece, nephew who was victimized. Shouldn't you speak out and up now before it's too late ! Look into what is being taught to your kids about Safe Touch, if nothing is being done to educate them, teach them yourself.

Are you a Pennsylvanian? Did you know that PA does not allow expert testimony as to the state of mind of a victim while being traumatized and raped. Case in point - girl is being held against will, she is in the kitchen with her attacker - there is a butcher block of knives on the counter - the defense attorney will ask her - why didn't you try to defend yourself with one of those knives? Her answer - "I was afraid, I do not know." This is where the expert will come in and testify as to the state of mind of the victim and why she chose to preserve her own life by not fighting back. I know, I know.......when someone who has never been in that situation is asked, they normally respond, "I'd fight to the death !" But put yourself in a life or death situation, would you really? Would your mind allow you to? Really think about it.

Currently legislators and PCAR are working so hard to get House Bill #1264 passed and need our help. The help of the community to bring this bill to the front of the line and have it passed immediately !!! Give our victim/survivors a VOICE - speak for those who can't - speak for those who won't - speak up for yourself and let it be known that sexually violence and rape can not be tolerated. I'll be sending at least 5 letters per day. I plan to make phone calls through out the week and the weeks to come, and I'm thinking of starting up a petition. I don't even live in PA anymore, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter where you are geographically. Let's help this very confused State, get it right by allowing what all the other states already allow....Expert Testimony on behalf of the victim !

I CHOSE TO BE HEARD ! NO MORE SILENCE ! NO MORE VIOLENCE !

Peace, Kids.

P.S. And I'm not picking on MEN here. It's just my topic for the day.

The Gunshot From Inside My Refrigerator

2011-04-16T05:52:00.000-07:00

For the first time in I can't remember, I am in the house alone :) Woke up to silence, ahhhhhhhh. Hot coffee, double ahhhhhhhhhh, it almost helps the fact that I'm going on a charity walk today and it's supposed to pour and it's all ready windy. The later the morning gets, the more anxious I get about it :(

So what do I do when I am sitting at home, completely alone, being anxious ? I smoke a big fatty. Sitting on the living room couch ! It feels like that one weekend a year my parents took my children down the shore. God I used to look forward to that weekend ;) Back to my morning, got side tracked there. After my big fatty, I stroll to the kitchen, feeling all naughty, thinking it now stinks in the house........I pour myself a hot cup of joe, I open the fridge to get some milk, and something that sounds like a gun shot goes off inside my refrigerator !!!!! Ever hit the deck in nothing but a short bath robe and bare feet, ouch. What the fuck. I had a heart attack right then and there. I found out the hard way what happens when Ready Made Pizza dough sits in the fridge and goes bad. People, take note, it expands and pops. Scared the shit out of me.

As I'm sitting on my kitchen floor, looking up at the exploded pizza dough, I started to laugh, yes, out loud all by myself. What the hell - who the fuck thinks that a gun just fired out of their refrigerator? Unless there is a 1" ft little person sitting in there with a gun, waiting for me to open the door, I think I'm safe. At that point, I pick myself up off the floor and continue to fix myself some java.

And this is how I begin my day......It's fixin to be an interesting one.

Peace Kids....Have a banging weekend.

The IPod Shuffle

2011-04-15T13:08:00.000-07:00

So I am completely blank this week. I have many stories to tell, but no time to put them on paper. So today I will cheat and be a thief. I stole this from Cute Ella who is doing 30 days of me for her birthday month. She's so cute, go check her out.

Anyway, this was fun so here is goes:

Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

My iPod also LIVES on shuffle!

Here are the first 10 songs for today:

1. Naked Eyes – Always Something There to Remind Me
2. Nickelback - If Today was Your Last Day
3. Lover Boy – Working for the Weekend
4. Hooters - And We Danced
5. Go-Gos - Our Lips Are Sealed
6. Britney Spears - If You Seek Amy
7. Linkin Park - Numb
8. Shine Down – Second Chance
9. Johnny Cash - I Walk The Line
10. Pearl Jam - Even Flow

Bonus: Sheyl Crow - Every Day is a Winding Road

As you can see, I'm a total dork. I'm showing my age with the 80s tunes, showing my embarrassment with Britney Spears, I'll admit it - I have all her songs. Love the little skank tard. Johnny Cash - well him I've been in love with since I was a little girl. I grew up in a country music family. I even had a cousin who opened for Reba McEntire. Johnny was always my favorite. It's a given why I like Pearl Jam, I would love to slobber all over Eddie. Go-Go's, well blame it on growing up in the 80s, can't help it. And why do I like Sheryl Crow - because I saw her live at Woodstock 94 - before she was huge - and she rocked my world. She is purely amazing. There is no synthesizing her voice, she's a 100% of natural talent, she writes her own songs, plays the guitar, and sings beautifully.

So that's it. What's on your IPod - I'm so glad I didn't have to tell you that I have Hanson - Umm Bop and Debbie Gibson on there.

Peace out kids, have a great weekend.

Evil Wicked and I got the laugh to go with it

2011-04-14T08:44:00.000-07:00

Oh Shit ! I clicked a lot of boxes in that quiz

You Are 70% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.

Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

HOW MANY BOXES DID YOU CHECK OFF ??????

PEACE - KIDS.

It's Sofa King Funny

2011-04-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

Are you an SNL fan ? If so have you seen the Sofa King skit ? If not, watch it before you look at my picture.

Sofa King Funny !

Then I 'm driving home last night, and despite the fact that I could receive a $250 ticket for using my phone, let alone taking a picture, while driving 60 mph or the fact that I could have killed myself and others while swerving in and out of my skinny lane, while trying to get a non-blurry pic.....

Realization: There is a Sofa King in the Neighborhood! I must buy something there so I can say I got it at Sofa King and it is sofa king awesome !

He ! He ! I'm cracking myself up over here.

Then a friend sent me this and told me to Duck !

And then the same friend, with his sick wicked sense of humor - told me this was "So Wrong"

(I found it hysterical)

And so, I'm getting so many pics today - When I tell you to have Sexy Friday - picture this.....

I'm out ! Have a groovin Weekend ♥

Friendship is a Loaded Word.....

2011-04-07T08:26:00.000-07:00

How do you value friendships both past and present? People have come in and out of my life for so long. I’m used to having a friend and then not having that friend anymore. But it seems lately, these friends that have left me or I have left them, are coming back to me. Does this mean my life has run full circle? I’m a little confused. And that’s not anything new because I am always a little confused. If you cut ties with me, why come back years later?

Why bother to look me up? If I cut ties with you, then I could understand it. Maybe you want to know why I stopped speaking to you, or stopped coming around. That’s makes perfect sense. But when someone dumps you as a friend out of the blue for no apparent reason at all, and then contacts you wanting to stay in touch again, it’s a little disturbing.

Maybe I don’t like it because I don’t trust it. Should I allow you in my life again, or should I stand guarded and only give you bits and pieces of the me you used to know? Because I am changed.

We stayed close through high school, we even attempted a make shift reunion, years and years after, but it didn’t stick. It makes me wonder why you want back into my inner circle. Because honey, once I kick you out, it’s really hard to get back in. I am considering it though.

I’ve realized through the years that the more people I let close to me, the more times I get hurt. If I don’t let you know me, than you can’t hurt me. So if your a new friend to me, you only know what I give you. It’s my old friends that scare me, they know me…..the real me….not the shell I am now. I don’t want people to comment on how much I have changed. I know I have changed. Pain and heart ache would most likely change you too. I don’t like to hear “Your not the girl I used to know.” I know that already. I have become cold, heartless, and a less caring and compassionate person than I once was. 20 years of hell will do that to you

So, now what? Do I feed you only the good stuff. The stuff that makes my life seem grand….or do I give you the whole dark truth and make you regret ever contacting me? Now there is a thought to ponder.

Wonder what Dr. Fucking Phil would say !

Happy Thursday Honchos !

Why Women Love Baseball

2011-04-06T06:44:00.000-07:00

Men often wonder why women love baseball - Today, I provide you with an example:

While Cole Hamels is being interviewed, JC Romero decided to butt in ! A ha! ha! ha! (I know that was lame, but I thought it was funny !)

Classic !

It's the Little Things in Life.......

2011-04-04T07:45:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to take some advice.....I don't usually take or agree with the advice of others, but this seemed good - so what the hell right. I've been trying to kick back and really enjoy the little things in life. I've also been trying really hard to let go of the little things that I have a habit of turning into really big things. My goal - peace in my heart and soul. Anxiety to be gone, chest to be relaxed instead of tight and painful.

One of the little things would be new shoes ! So yesterday after I tried these beauties on, I kicked back and just enjoyed them :)

Next, I have decided that Baseball, is one of those little things in life. Not just professional but little league. Instead of grumbling about 6:00 games and not eating dinner until 9:30 - I've decided to kick back and enjoy the games. Grab my little port-a-chair and some hoagies from the deli and enjoy ! See now I'm looking forward to it :)

Then I have decided to let go of some of the hurt I've been feeling of late. I've realized that I tend to feel a little too deeply and a little to quickly. Sometimes that can be a bad combination. I'm going to stop wondering. I'm going to focus on how to be a better person to myself first and then to others. I'm going to let go of the irrational hurt that I'm holding onto an realize it's out of my control, I need to let go. (I'll let you know how that one works out for me.) This stems from a recent conversation I had with another blogger friend. She randomly emails me and says "i just wanted you to know that friendship means everything, through ups and downs, disagreements and laughter, I will always be around for you. I will never just disappear." When I responded awwww, what's that for ? She simply said - "because sometimes we just need to hear it." Then I realized, maybe I'm not so bad after all :)

I have decided not to be miserable in my life - which starts with getting the hell out of this employment nightmare I got myself into. Yes, I'm job hunting again :( Shit, fuck, damn !!!!!!!!

So all and all, I've had a shitty start to my morning, already got scolded at work, have to hit the employment pages again, but I have on cute sexy shoes, a hot cup of coffee, and a new outlook for today.

I'm looking forward, not backward, not sideways. I just hope I don't trip and fall.

Peace out my Friends - have a groovin Monday.

It's Not Just April Fools Day....It's.......

2011-04-01T03:13:00.000-07:00

Phirst Phriday !

OPENING DAY !!!!!!!!!!!

I should stay home today, I think I'm coming down with Phillies Phever !

Happy Friday !

One Fine Day..........

2011-03-29T07:14:00.000-07:00

One day I want to have a big house that has a door always open to family. I want to sit on my porch and watch my grandchildren play in the yard.

One day I want my Dad to wake up and not have pain in his legs.

One day I want to realize what my future is, grab onto it with both hands and never let go.

One day I want to be rotten stinking rich.

One day I want to own a horse and have enough land for him or her to lead a happy life.

One day I want a dog that looks like the dog I had growing up (hopefully that will be one day soon)

One day I want to look in the mirror and finally be satisfied with what I see.

One day I want to travel the world.

One day I want to see Cancer and Aids cured.

One day I want to see domestic, sexual, and child abuse end.

One day I want to see my best friend again.

One day I want to dip my toes in the Pacific Ocean.

One day I want to slap the person who became (or always way) a turncoat, fucking pathetic.

One day I want to ride on the back of a Harley naked.

One day I want to know that all of these years, I was ACTUALLY choosing the right thing.

And finally, one day when I meet my maker, I want to know if I why life was so hard when I tried to be a good person ?

Peace Out Kids - Have a fucking fantastic Tuesday (sarcasm) !

SCARLETT ♥

Who Dares Teach Must Never Cease to Learn

2011-03-25T08:43:00.000-07:00

I have always admired teachers. Never in my lifetime did I ever think I would step into the shoes of one. Last week, that’s exactly what happened. The education department of the organization I volunteer for has been overwhelmed with requests for presentations and workshops, so I signed up. At first, the deal was I would be working with middle school children regarding bullying. Then out of the blue, due to my background in the legal community, I was asked to present the Legal Recourses of Intimate Partner Abuse at our local community college. My background however doesn’t include family law L - but I agreed anyway.

I spent almost a month doing research and referencing my materials I received in the training courses I took. Reflected on my own personal experiences and took notes. This all lead to a presentation folder. I had my brief case all packed up and ready to go. Nervous as all get out, I walked the halls of my old college, no longer a student, but a teacher. Only I wasn’t aware of the “teacher” part yet. When I found the room I was supposed to be at, I looked in the door and saw a full class in progress. Blackboard, desks facing the front of the room, a podium, yup, a class room. Full of about 30 people all taking behavioral sciences classes. All I could think, was OH SHIT ! I am so not qualified to do this.

I entered the room at the same time the class was taking their break. I had a short conversation with the professor. She was very happy I could come (all I could think of was let’s see if that’s how you feel when I’m done) and that the class was very excited and looking forward to my presentation. YIKES ! As I was getting ready to begin, the professor announced to the class that my presentation will be included in their next quiz. Yup, No Pressure right !!!!!!!!

I started my presentation by walking around the room handing out the materials, introducing myself, and what we do at the organization. Which made it a little easier because by the time I had got back up to the front, I was already on a roll. The class was receptive, asked questions, and smiled up at me while I took on the role of a teacher. Within 15 minutes I was relaxed and even though I’m standing in front of 30 wide-eyed college students staring at me, I felt as if I was doing what I was always meant to do. I’m not sure if it was the fact I was educating future social works and counselors – therefore making a step in changing domestic violence through education, or if it was the whole experience of teaching a class? I felt empowered and confident, something I haven’t felt in years. So whatever it was, I can’t wait to feel that way again. It was truly a rewarding experience. I was so happy when it was over, I almost skipped to my car J

So, I now know what I want to be when I grow up !!!! What a relief.

Now onto other things. I must admit that my heart is broken in two. Chase Utley will be starting this years Phillies season on the D/L. Heartbreaking I tell ya. I wish I was going to the home opener L

One year I was home from work with pneumonia and the Phillies sucked that year, so the opener was not sold out. Both my girls had a ½ day from school that day – so I bundled myself up to ward off the feverish chills – picked up my girls – and headed down to Veteran’s Stadium.

Wrapped in my hoodey and tissues in hand, I spent the day with just my two daughters, sitting at a baseball game on a sunny April day, eating peanuts, watched a drunk get into a fight and fall down the seats (not the steps the seats), and quietly watched my team lose. It was one of my finest memories of the Vet and the first time I ever took my girls to a game without their father J I love being a Phillies Phan ! It makes for some pretty amazing bonding moments with my kiddies.

Hope everyone has a Sexy Friday and a kick ass weekend.

Whatever you do make it fun, make it naughty, and make it worth it. Peace